Bad cooking
Right, I've remembered the thing that makes me cringe the most.

Half of my family are French. Whatever your thoughts are on the French, they do enjoy good food.

So when they came to stay, I decided to pull out the stops for the Christmas meal.

We had a starter. Now normally a starter at Christmas is smoked salmon or prawn cocktail. That's the law.

However I decided like a fool to cook scallops on a bed of mashed celeriac.

Big mistake. The expensive sea-food was over-cooked, the celeriac under-cooked. As a result, the sensation when eating was best described as chewing rubber which had an undercoat of raw potato. Lovely.

Sod it though, at least with the turkey I couldn't go wrong. Hadn't I one year done the Christmas meal on a Baby Belling (very small oven where the hob doesn't work if the oven is on) and triumphed ? I couldn't get this wrong, could I ?

The secret is always in the timing. Everything has to be ready at the right time. So the veg, gravy, stuffing, bread sauce, roast potatoes, parsnips, chipolatas wrapped in bacon were all on the table, steaming hot, when I sliced open the turkey. 12 expectant faces stared at the enormous bird, browned to perfection on the outside...

...and pink as a Barbie doll on the inside.

Never have I wished the ground to swallow me up more.

Fried turkey, anyone ?
( I_Was_Mordred, Fri 28 Nov 2008, 1:25, 2 replies)

I read up to "Half of my family are French" and immediately felt your pain. :)
(Master of Fuckwittery and Bollocks last shat in your soul on, Fri 28 Nov 2008, 1:29, closed)

Oh dear,
oh dear oh dear oh dear.

*clicks*
( Batshitmentalist is sane for once, Fri 28 Nov 2008, 1:31, closed)