Cider Discovery
Well, about 3 years back i discovered proper cider when one of our mates made up a barrell and let us all have a taste. about 8% and pretty dry so well tasty.

We decided to have an annual apple festival in our village, and hence it started. we renovated a press, collected 3tonnes of apples and made 3 barrells - close to 700 pints - of cider. We picked a date in May and got a pig in and a big barbecue/fire pit and spit roast the piggy-wiggy for about 8 hours and then opened the festival. All went well, i was a helper so i got free cider (although i did donate as it was non-profit and any excess went to the local school and church).

About 8 pints in i managed to be very little help.

1. I did the karaoke that was set up to keep the kids entertained - and then mooned the whole vlilage whilst singing "Somethings gotten hold of my heart", the bit where gene pitney first kicks in.
2. I was then chased round the village by some very young girl villagers- one of whom pushed me over. Ordinarily, fine - that day i did the full del boy falling off the bar trick. I put an arm out to stop me and went right through the side of the gazebo and took a kerbstone to the ribs. This is just in between the gap between bottom rib and next up.
3. I then went and got a couple of pints of real ale down me (why???) and got a lift home with some friends.

The next morning i awoke and thought "what a great day". I then tried to rise. Nothing. couldn't move at all. I had torn my intercostal muscles and was gripped in agony on every movement and locked up solid with inflammation to stop me moving and let it recover. A trip to A&E was called for later on. When i came back my friends started laughing - i had propositioned my mates girl with something so disgusting she would not repeat it to me. and then they emigrated to NZ and she still will not repeat it to me!

That was year 1. Year 2 i behaved myself. or so i thought.

I worked really hard. Then woke up - bright sunlight and 7am. "shit - who's looking after the pig" - thats when my wife woke and told me it had all been done the day before.

Confused. Search in youtube for spetisbury cider i am the first result. I was sent home moments later, locked my wife out and then awoke next day, refreshed and more than a touch embarassed as i simply had not learnt from the previous year and done it all again.

I am now banned from drinking before i have 6 signatures of the rest of the organisers by the Head of the Parish council.

When i awoke after our pirate summer party, to be told how i made loads of spliffs on the top table, using my headtorch to illuminate the rolling area. Wouldn't have been a problem without the 2 local magistrates, 4 solicitors and a QC all present. And my wife works for CPS so these things are frowned up (some regard them as non-legal).

Oh Magoo, i have done it again.....
( bazza van der trance , ooh baby baby, baby baby. Get up on this., Fri 28 Nov 2008, 13:19, 1 reply)

Local government
damnit, they take no interest in my drinking. To busy ignoring bins
(teebie jeebie, Fri 28 Nov 2008, 16:03, closed)