MY COCK IS WELL BIG
I was an early slave to shame. I were aged about 6, and while changing for PE, my gently swollen noggin got trapped as I attempted to remove my shirt. I just sat there like an absolute plum, with it hanging over my head and me crying. A friend came to assist - unbuttoning was the key. I aquired the occassional moniker 'pumpkin head'.

Doing a Christmas play at about the same age, WHY DIDNT YOU JUST FOLLOW THE DAMN INSTRUCTIONS MAN *beats head in a well mad sort of manner* I had copped the coveted Santa Claus role. All I had to do was a figure of 8 round the crowd at the end, but look I got confused, it wasn't easy. Dads taking pictures, the flashes, the lights. I just sort of stood there as my psuedo-reindeer friends trotted off without me. In the effort to regain my herd, it would be the too baggy Santa pants that would be my downfall. The upshot is I stumble and fall, and my trousers fall down. I'm still in faint denial over this one.

Once, a bit older, I and some pals were larking about with some even older year 5 girls, chasing one of those super bouncy mini rubber balls about. The circle around the ball became quite confined, and basically I got a bit excited; the moment got the better of me. I punched a girl in the fanny. I don't know why! I just got a little giddy. Obviously she was somewhat reproachful of my conduct, and the group dispersed under a thick cloud of uneasy tension. I no longer adopt this approach to getting to know women.

There's one that'll never go. I had a good friend who passed away when we were both teenagers. He was in hospital, and I went to go visit him. We didn't really speak much, but I knew he had some weed at his house. Before I left, I asked if I could blag it, as I had run dry. From my friend. As he lay in hospital. I had to tell his mum I was borrowing CDs, then nab it from his drawer. He died shortly after, I also owed him seventy pounds at the time. I don't know if embarrassing is right, but cringe...fuck, it makes me feel physically sick to think of it. Proper ashamed.

Lets not end on that one. Through family geographics, despite being a born and bred Southerner all my effete life, my father impressed upon me a fervent support of Sunderland football club. It is unfortunately more burden than blessed, but I enjoy going to matches, something I used to do a lot more of in younger years. I liked the singing and shouting aspects, but would normally save my encouraging epiphets for times of elevated noise, to spare the patrons my plum like tones you see. If you're thinking this is gonna be one of those 'you're shouting something and everyone else goes quiet' moments, you're absolutely right - I forget the exact words, but it were something horrendous along the lines of "Come on guys, let's give them a bloody good seeing to" which just didn't sound quite right. The disgust of 5000 adjacent mackems seeped into my soul, as the gravy seeped from my pie.

One drunken evening I found myself naked but for my boxers, and a pair of my female friends pants that I had placed over the top. They were rather tight, and in my defence everything was a bit squashed. One of the lady friends comments (somewhat kindly) "those pants make your cock look small". I actually thought over my reply, did really think it were gonna be well funny and cool "Actually, it's my small cock that makes my cock look small!". The ladies present look slighty startled and ashamed. I cringe and shrink to ever more cashew nut like proportions. I am a grower not a shower.

I like this question, there will be some like me who feel they could write a new answer every day. But sometimes though, it's about perception, shame isn't dished out, it is accepted. A memory that has seared it's indellible shame upon the scorched earth of your mind, is a forgotten giggle to one of the 'witnesses'. Don't let your silliness ever stop you being silly see, for it is not worth it.
(bacontrout got ska, Sun 30 Nov 2008, 23:36, 3 replies)

the weed from the drawer
you shouldn't feel bad about that actually. His parents would have had to go through all his stuff - thanks to you they might not ever find out he smoked it.
(b0w13, Mon 1 Dec 2008, 1:07, closed)

ditto
I may, or may not, have an arrangement with a friend. If one of us carks it unexpectedly, the other is to immediately purge the Hard Drives of the recently deceased; passing no judgement upon the contents therein.
( The Incredible Sulk Finally remembered his password on, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 12:20, closed)

Weed
Besides, wouldn't your friend want you to enjoy it, rather than have it just thrown out? Don't beat youself up about it too much. As for Sunderland, however--the less said the better.
(devotched, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 2:16, closed)