Thank God it wasn't my Mum...
Once upon a time, an (almost) innocent 15-year-old Mole was cycling home from school when something caught his eye. It couldn't be... not in a bush... but that's such a cliche! Everybody knows that doesn't happen in real life!

Yup, it was a fully formed grot-mag, just sitting there in the branches, all inviting. I popped it in my bag (hidden between textbooks) and cycled home somewhat faster than usual.

When I finally opened it, heart beating so hard for fear of being caught I thought it might explode, I couldn't believe my luck. It was completely unsullied! No pages stuck together, no suspect stains, no missing pages, nothing. Absolutely brilliant. To this day, I cannot quite figure out why someone would seemingly buy some porn, take it out for a fifteen minute stroll, and then leave it sitting there for some plucky young thing to take away. Whoever it was, I thank them.

Of course, I boasted about it to my friends like nobody's business. They would come round specifically to look at it. I would even sell them their favourite pages (aren't teenage boys hillarious?) - except for Claire. I loved Claire. Still do, in a little way.

Anyway, around this time there was a guy, J, who really annoyed me, but I didn't have it in me to tell him. So he thought we were friends. He had an infuriating habit of coming round to my house uninvited EVERY SODDING AFTERNOON to play on my computer. So there we are in the front room, J on the computer, me doing my homework, nobody else home, when he asks to see the mag. Sure, why not? After a while of cheerfully perusing lady-bits, he returns to the games, and I to my work.

A little later, nature calls. Being a cautious Mole, I say "if you see my Mum pulling up outside, hide the mag back in my room".

I attend to my lavatorial needs.

Upon exit, mother dearest is in the kitchen. She's not upset or angry, so clearly J has done what I asked.

Several hours later, J gone, dinner eaten, my sister and I are watching television in the living room, when in walks my Dad.

"Harry, I've got something you really want to see..."
"Really, what?"
"Just come and see."

Intrigued, but slightly annoyed at my programme being interrupted, I got up to follow him, as did my sister.

"No, not you Molette."
"But I want to see!"
"No, you don't."

So Molette sits back down, and I follow my Dad into the front room. He turns to me and, with a slight glint in his eye and the stirings of a smirk on the corner of his mouth, says "Pick up that cushion" and leaves the room.

Perplexed now, I lift the cushion...

COME OVER MY LOVELY TITS!!! stares back at me.

Yup, J had simply shoved it under a cushion - the first cushion anyone would move if they wanted to sit down - and then not told me. Dad had gone in to read a book, and had something of a surprise waiting for him.

Smuggling it back upstairs with my Mum on the landing wasn't much fun either. Nor were my sister's enquiries as to what the mystery was (my face nearly combusted from blushing).

Still, I'm bloody glad it was my Dad. My Mum got upset when, a couple of years later, she realised I had a couple of copies of FHM (I'm sorry, I'm sorry - I was 18, ok?) - and it was up to my other sister to reassure her it wasn't really pornography...

Apologies for length. I'll go lurk again now.

*Lurks*
(HarryTheMole whatever's on my finger is going in your mouth, Mon 1 Dec 2008, 16:45, 4 replies)

.
There are so many posts this week about pron found in bushes, is there a fairy or something that goes round distributing it, or is it just some secret code amongst all men?
(Madam Cholet, Mon 1 Dec 2008, 21:29, closed)

I think it's some sort of inbuilt mancode.
Oddly enough it happened to me twice - a couple of years later my friends and I were in a wood on a hill, and found one just sitting there. We left that one as a present under someone's windshield in the car park... So I guess I've done my duty too
(HarryTheMole whatever's on my finger is going in your mouth, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 12:17, closed)

Your Dad
Sounds ace, have a click
(lochii, Tue 2 Dec 2008, 0:41, closed)

Your Dad Rocks!
Though I'd have to agree FHM isn't *really* porn, even thought it may look like it to the uneducated; just like Lambrini isn't *really* wine, even thought it may look like it to the uneducated.
(The Incredible Sulk Finally remembered his password on, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 6:30, closed)