Gorko, Gorko.
A mate of mine got married, in Russia, to a Russian girl and invited a small number of us out for the festivities. Now, the groom’s family, who we had known for years, are very, very English and spoke no Russian. The bride’s family, who we had never met, are very, very Russian and spoke no English. Each viewed the other with ill-disguised suspicion. They were united only by the even greater suspicion with which they viewed me and the groom’s other disreputable mates.

The ceremony was very beautiful and very moving. At the end, as is traditional, everyone started chanting “Gorko, Gorko”. This is a post-wedding custom, where before anyone can drink, the bride and groom have to kiss, but pretend to be too embarrassed. Gorko means “bitter” as in “life is bitter, the wine is bitter” and you keep chanting it louder and louder until they kiss, and then everyone starts cheering and the drinking begins. That’s how they do it in Russia.

Anyway, standing at the back during the chanting, I decided to shout out “Give her a kiss!” which seemed appropriate enough. Or rather, it would have been appropriate. Unfortunately, my brain short-circuited at the vital moment and instead I bellowed loutishly: “GIVE HER ONE!” Accompanied (why, God, why?) by an equally inappropriate hand gesture.

The English half of the wedding party fell into a shocked silence, and the groom’s dad went bright red. Then my friend helpfully translated my remark, including the gesture, to the bride’s mother and sister, who went even redder. We had met these people half an hour ago and I had now befouled their sacred moment.

Bollocks.

Luckily, we all got apocalyptically pissed not long after and, apart from everyone shouting “give her one” at me for the rest of the weekend, had a pretty good time.
( MacCruiskeen, Mon 1 Dec 2008, 22:22, Reply)