I know! I'll roast a pea!
As a 10 year old lad in the middle of Somerset, much of my summer holiday was spent in the woods: we'd fish for sticklebacks, we'd make bows and arrows, we'd build dens, rope swings, rafts, dams, and, of course, spent a significant portion of our time climbing trees.

Consequently, a friend and I developed a magnificent device to enable the quickest access to the higher branches of a tree - this device was a long length of strong rope, with a stout stick tied to the bottom. You throw the stick over the high branch and lower it down. Then, sitting astride the stick, you pull yourself up, and, when you get to the branch, grab it, and hey presto - you're already in the middle of the tree.

Now, early one morning in the late spring, I was walking through one of the higher fields on my way to the woods. The field is about a mile long, with grass about waist-high to my 10 year old self, and it being early morning, the grass was still covered in dew.

The field is uphill in the direction I was travelling, and muddy, and by the time I was two thirds through, I was absolutely knackered, and wanted to sit down. Of course I couldn't sit down, as the ground was muddy, and the grass was wet.

I was so tired.

Suddenly, a rather dull, 20-Watt lightbulb went off in my head. I had my rope and stick ... which I sit on when climbing trees ... it supports me ...

I placed the stick between my legs under my bum, held on to the rope, and sat down - SPLASH - heavily into the puddle in which I was standing.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Fri 6 Jul 2012, 13:15, 2 replies)

hahahaha! you fucking plum!

( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Fri 6 Jul 2012, 13:34, closed)

Stand on my shoulders
and pull me up...
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 6 Jul 2012, 14:26, closed)