I am a barman, please talk to me like I'm a twat
I work part-time in a pub on weekends and I sympathise with everyone of my comrades who suffer from being on the wrong side of the bar.

There are good times, like people getting the names of drinks wrong, Managers, Stringbow (?), and J-2o in a variety of mispronounced ways (J-Lo, H-20-J, OJ-20 etc)

Anyway, two particular incidents spring to mind. The first was a regular who is no longer with us. Every Sunday, to the minute, she would come in and have a whiskey and water. She looked like she had been 80 all her life but though a bit stern never caused any trouble. Until the last time we saw her. THere was a major match on TV and the place was packed, and there were a fair number of families in there having Sunday lunch.

She came in and had the usual, and as I went to collect payment she pulled out a small bag of old pennies and threepenny bits. I told her they were no longer legal tender and I needed 'current' currency. Then I found out the hard way that although she was petite, she had a hell of a scream on her. And I mean screaming, not shouting.
'HOW DARE YOU SAY THAT!! THIS IS BRITISH MONEY!! I calmly said that although that was true it was no longer in use.
'I'VE BEEN SAVING THESE FOR YEARS, SINCE BEFORE YOU WERE BORN, BOY, AND YOU CALL YOURSELF A BARMAN? YOU KNOW FUCK ALL!! THIS IS BRITISH 'SOVEREIGNTY' YOU IGNORANT FUCK. Once again I remained calm and told her it's my job to serve drinks, not take abuse. At this point the man next in line muttered under his breath 'For fuck's sake' and said he'd pay for her. Regaining her nice calmness we are used to she said 'Thank you, but don't think I'm going home with you.'

The second incident involved Christmas Eve a few years ago where the group of pisshead chavs was 3 deep the other side of the bar. $ of us on the shift and the crowd is getting restless. In all the rowdiness I hear somebody shouting 'Hurry up' and just ignored it. A few minutes later he says it again. then again. All the time, we are flat out serving as fast as we can and then I come face to face with the guy who kept saying it. He who is superior to the barstaff.
'Too late mate, I'm being served'. I go to move to serve someone else and he grabs my collar. 'Listen cunt, I've been waiting here over 10 fucking minutes to get served, and when I say hurry up that means I'm next, okay?'
I told him we have a queuing system here and it generally works very well.
'10 fucking minutes!! 10 fucking minutes!! You are a sad excuse for a barman, and I hope your mum gets cancer for Christmas,' At this point I grab the nearest pint and think 'Fuck it' and go to throw it in his face, at which point the regulars intervene and tell him to fuck off and die. As he's leaving I shouted out for him to hurry up.
(steve dubbleyoo, Sun 7 Sep 2008, 10:37, 2 replies)

Holy shit
I thought I worked in a pub where customers are rude, I hope the guy got banned.

My old supervisor got fired because someone threw a bottle at him, he caught it and threw it back!
( KernKraft Gosh, there isn't much noise outside today, Sun 7 Sep 2008, 16:36, closed)

Stringbow
Now that is pure gold, i'm gonna ask for that the next time i'm out....
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Mon 8 Sep 2008, 12:47, closed)