Having watched and enjoyed The Sixth Sense
Mrs Vagabond and I had something of a disagreement, resulting in huffs all 'round, but we soon made up and repaired to bed.

I realised with dawning horror, however, that Mrs Vagabond had arranged to have me assassinated. What was more, she was going to have it done by an archer, to avoid any noise.

Further to this, I discovered that the code word she would use for the assassination was "Charlie", but I couldn't figure out whether this was the command to commence or to confirm the kill.

I was becoming increasingly frantic trying to find out the answer, and then suddenly - in real life - and while still completely asleep, she reached over, shook me awake, and said, eyes firmly closed, "Vagabond - Vagabond! 'Charly'."

I FLEW out of bed - to my credit rolled across the floor to the window for cover - and crouched there, drooling and staring like a madman. Having been unable to establish the nature of the code, I was unable to acertain whether I was alive or dead.

Mrs Vagabond says she will never, ever forget the look of my face - it was of complete, beastial fear - I had devolved to an animal state.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Fri 24 Jul 2009, 13:10, 1 reply)