Recovering in the middle of the night…
From some pretty ‘orrible surgery (spinal fusion of the L4, L5 & S1 vertebrae if anyone is interested) a few years ago I was in a very posh private hospital (courtesy of my company medical insurance).

I was high as a kite on Tramadol as a pain killer having been weaned off the yummy intravenous Morphine I had been on at first. I woke up in the dark in the middle of the night with the foulest set of side effects of any prescription drug I had ever experienced. I was sweating like a paedophile in Mothercare, shaking like a shitting dog & experiencing a panic attack worse than the pilots of an Air France flight over the atlantic ever had.

As I was unable to walk (even farting was painful) I couldn’t get of my room to ask a nurse for help & eventually managed to turn myself around to grab the alarm cord type thing. No reply. For over 20 minutes (I checked on the clock – it wasn’t that it just felt like 20 minutes) not a nurse in sight. This I could just about cope with. Until I chundered. Everywhere. All over myself.

This was no ordinary diced carrot mix either but the foulest smelling green bile. It was like ectoplasm, it was dark but I swear this stuff almost glowed in the dark. I was led there for nearly an hour covered in this foul smelling green bile before a nurse came & cleaned me up. When I asked the nurse why it had taken so long I was told she was waiting for her pizza to be delivered.

Now if she had been tending to another patient I wouldn’t have minded but waiting to be helped with the side effects of my medication & to be cleaned up while she waited for a pizza made me more than slightly angry. In fact it was probably just as well I couldn’t get out of bed otherwise it is more than likely I would have committed nursocide.

I no longer have private medical insurance & whilst a lot of people criticise the NHS I bet I wouldn’t have been left there to rot covered in smelly green bile whilst panicking, shaking & sweating if I’d been in an NHS hospital.

Sorry lack of etc…
(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Tue 28 Jul 2009, 13:06, 3 replies)

.
"I was sweating like a paedophile in Mothercare" deserves a click all on its own
(NuffMuff fucks shrubbery, Tue 28 Jul 2009, 16:12, closed)

No, no, no
Definitely wouldn't have been left there to rot in an NHS hospital. Nope, absolutely not, that's never ever happened in an NHS ward.


You'd still have been in the fucking corridor on a trolley.
(Rsoles, Tue 28 Jul 2009, 20:02, closed)

Aah Tramadol
Really knacks you up, doesn't it? I got majorly confused off a couple of those, fell asleep in front in front of 24, wake up in the dead of night, strip my bandages off, and go berate the nurses about having a message for Jack Bauer.

Also caught a glimpse of a black orderly and became convinced he was my boss and I had to get to work. Just because my boss was black. Felt well shit about that one in the morning.
( Rookie You'll have to speak up, I'm wearing a towel, Wed 29 Jul 2009, 14:21, closed)