Back when I was a young 'un
Pearoast but you know how it is:

I used to love going out on my bike. Now as I'm sure you've all done when you were younger the best thing to do on a bike was try to get it to do a skid, the longer the better!

Now, where I lived we discovered a way to make them even easier to do, this technique was known as the 'backheel' and essentially all you did was cycle as fast as you can and then place your heel in the gap between the wheel and the arch, this would have the effect of stopping the wheel, thus making the bike skid.

I used to be one of those kids who loved to experiment but had little in the way of common sense (In fact, the used to be is superfluous I guess) so this goes some way to explaining the following:

I decided to take this 'backheeling' to the next level.

I shouted to my mates 'watch this!' and so I jumped on my trusty bike and started to pedal as fast as my legs would go (to make the skid as big as possible) and when I judged I had reached optimum speed a jammed my foot into the gap between the wheel and the arch.

At the front of the fucking bike...

The next thing I experience if a feeling of flying 'fucking hell thinks I, this is ace! Who knew you could do this?'

I then landed face first on the road and skidded a little bit along the road...

I raised my head from the road to assess the situation and see if my mates were suitably impressed with my first foray into flight

Then the bike hits the back of my head, making my head butt the road again...

I manage to get up, pick up my bike, my mates are:
pointing and laughing and those who aren't are retching.

'This can't be good' thinks I so I do what any action hero does in such a situation and wandered home to chat to mum about it.

This then results with my dad being called home from work to take me to hospital and for then to check that I've not lost my eye...

This left me with a beautiful scab all over the left of my face making my look like the phantom of the opera and a lovely scar over my eyebrow.

Fun times...

Slightly less interesting is that fact that I've probably already removed myself from the gene pool cos I shove my phone down my pants to try to impress girls with the size of my fake cock
(Fuckarma was masturbating into your handbag, Mon 16 Feb 2009, 11:22, 1 reply)

Wow...
I thought I was the only one stupuid enough to do this.

Fortunately I managed to get up without so much as a scrape. I literally flew head over heels and landed on my back, but I was wearing a backpack with something soft in it.

Have a Click for making me feel less stupid.
(porkinator is a Rock n Roll nerd!, Mon 16 Feb 2009, 14:08, closed)