Blind Date Gone Bad
I was on armory guard duty in Okinawa, Japan for the Marine Corps. Part of my duties, aside from carrying a loaded M-16 and looking like a bad-ass chick, was to call the Military Police every hour and use the "Password of the Day" in a sentence, thus signifying the safety of the armory. There was an MP who worked the same shifts I did who had a voice that was to die for. It was like butter, it was like cream, it was so sweet and sexy and sultry. An amazing voice, it gave me goosebumps. A man with a voice like that had to be nothing less than superhero-like in appearance. When he asked me out on a date, my knees went weak and I said yes. We agreed on where to meet and exchanged descriptions on what we would be wearing.

So there I am, at the military club, when in walks this guy with the largest head I have ever seen on a human being. A small patch of hair covered only the top 5% of the head, leaving the rest of the head exposed in all of its cratered and bizarrely distorted glory. As my eyes scanned him, I also couldn't help but notice that he had no neck, his eyes bulged and were placed really far apart - like a fish. His body was super-long in the torso and slightly heavy up tight with really really skinny and short legs. And his lips were so dry they looked like chalk.

His eyes met mine and I knew there was no polite way to get out of it, this was my blind date and he knew that I KNEW he was my date.

In quick fashion I got really really really drunk and tried to be chipper and talkative. He seemed to have no clue that he was an ugly bastard and I found that by turning my head slightly to one side I could listen to his voice and minimize the effect his physical appearance was having on me.

At some point during the evening, my drinking caught up with me and I threw up on his shoes. It is the only time in my life I can recall being delighted over being vomitous. He took me home and I never spoke to him again.
(Igneous, Wed 27 Oct 2004, 14:47, Reply)