Nightmare in the village hall
When I was about 19 or so I was seeing this bird (let's call her Bob) quite casual like and she invited me to a charity live music night (the one's your nan would take you to) because she was singing. I was cool with it because it was local, the bar was cheap, and Bob's family loved having stupidly pissed-up parties after her singing. I also got a good mate of mine to come along for support.

So there we were getting absolutely shit-faced on Orangeboom in the local village hall listenin to Bob and various other FUCKING SHIT singers from around the town.

The night went quickly and suddenly it was packing up time. Me and my mate were chatting about me and Bob's "situation" next to some very loud speakers erected near the stage. The all important question arose...

'SO WHAT'S THE CHANCES OF YOU AND HER TONIGHT?'

At this point, a Queen Vic moment happened. I opened my mouth to speak the exact same time as the lights came on and the music stopped. You also have to remember this hall echoed like a bastard... I answered (just as loud as my mate asking)

'I'M FUCKING WELL IN THERE MATE'

Oh. I definitely didn't get any and never bothered trying again out of shame.
(wizardsleeves, Thu 28 Oct 2004, 12:58, Reply)