Rebel! Rebel!

I’ve had a cunning plan about how the mood of this QOTW could possibly be ‘lightened’ if you so wish...

We talk about friends / relatives who we have seen in accidents or the chapel of rest etc, but how about tying it in with an amusing anecdote about when they were alive?

One of my very closest and best friends was a lad from Leeds affectionately known as ‘Cheesy’ - so called because his surname sounded a bit like 'foreskin' (I know, I know, we were very young). He was fucking brilliant, highly opinionated (read: argumentative cock-itch) and a superb musician - the drummer in our band.

I loved him, I miss him and yes, I saw his cold, dead body after he succumbed to Lymphoma in 1999 aged just 26.

Actually, as I think back now, when I did see him, the make up they put on him was quite funny…he was a proper pale git his whole life and they gave him a ‘Jodie Marsh’ style orange face FFS!

Right – that's that bit out of the way…

Many years ago, Cheesy and I were at a party hosted by a right cunt (I won't go into why - you'll just have to trust me). We were with our relative ‘main squeezes’ and were in no way interested in the ridiculous activities the host was suggesting (like spraying muscle relaxant on our feet so we could dance to hard core rave all night - I mean...for the love of baseball bat buggery!).

We just wanted to get honk-tastically pissed and cop off with our fragrant female fuckbuddies as much as possible.

As I staggered round with the strains of OK Computer blaring in the background (I had taken the liberty to remove the ‘programmed-to-the-minute-12-hour-dance-music-athon’ session, and lobbed the discs somewhere cunty host couldn’t find them) I realised that I hadn’t actually seen Cheesy for quite a while.

Now, Cheesy had a reputation for falling asleep in some monumentally stupid places when pissed, so I told my lady friend I was going to look for him and checked around the house…nothing. I thought ‘If he’s fucked off I’m gonna twat the...twat’ to myself as I blundered outside to look for his car.

It was parked by a pub opposite and I could make out what looked like a figure moving inside. ‘What the fuck’s he doing in there?’ I wondered like the naïve young ball sack I was. Of course, as I approached the car…I started to notice that the windows were steamed up and his piece-of-shit old Peugeot 309 was rocking slightly.

By this time I was just a few feet away.

As the penny finally dropped in the cretinous melon I call a head, I was about to turn on my heels and walk back to the house when I saw the window being wound down.

“Aye up Pooflake, what’s up?” He said from the front seat with his girlfriend merrily bumping up and down on him.

“Erm…nothing…It can wait” I said, motioning with a nod to the fact that it was quite blatant what was going on.

He said with a smile and his head moving backwards and forwards: “Have you put some decent tunes on that wanker’s stereo yet?”

His companion continued enthusiastically...not even missing a stroke.

“It can wait, honestly!” I say…starting to walk backwards towards the house.

“Mmmm……what can you put on?......*grunt*…..I think I saw some Metallica in his CD collection” he continued whilst gathering momentum.

“Erm….well, I put on OK computer” I said, not believing the surrealism of the conversation I was taking part in.

“Good choice Poo...*thrust*...that Paranoid Android song is smart….oooooh hang on a minute….urrrgggghhhhhh!!......You finished love?”

“Yep” said the girl happily.

“Righto - lets get shit-faced and put Daz Automatic in that fuckers body-building powder” said Cheesy, as he opened the door.

They then both stepped out, nonchalantly pulled up their jeans etc and walked up to me.

As he saw me shaking my head in disbelief and with my mouth wide open, he put his arm round my shoulder, grinned, and we all walked back to the party.

So yeah, I did see him dead, but I also saw him shag…and that was a damn sight funnier experience let me tell you.
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Thu 28 Feb 2008, 15:50, 9 replies)

Well saved
Once again Mr Pooflake.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Thu 28 Feb 2008, 15:53, closed)

Or
We answer to the question posed as it is


And you drop the "saving" shit for once.
(Barry Chuckle has gone out in the thong to feed the pigeons, Thu 28 Feb 2008, 16:06, closed)

Sounds like a hell of a lad
clicks
(Pointless as a chavs bathroom, Thu 28 Feb 2008, 16:10, closed)

Unrelated but funny...

( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Thu 28 Feb 2008, 16:17, closed)

^^
No! we don't want to open it, thank you very much.



Pooflake once again comes to our rescue.

I must knit you a superhero cape.
( girlinthehole, Thu 28 Feb 2008, 18:23, closed)

To the rescue?
FFS

He has posted some fucking nonsense and then tagged yeah I saw him dead, you could do this for any question blah blah blah fish and chips all over her face oh and I made a mix tape ...

No matter what the question is people moan about it and try to launch their own, if you don't like it ... don't post.

Is it that simple?

And I like to view the image as to how nonsensical the question would be it may as well be 4chan
(Barry Chuckle has gone out in the thong to feed the pigeons, Fri 29 Feb 2008, 10:43, closed)

^^ooh, my first real flaming...I'm so excited!!!

Now I know how legless feels (albeit in a far less significant way).

Mr nobody has decided to have 'the arse' with me...I do not want to belittle his effort or lack of correct diction...he seems to be really annoyed!

woo yay!

If only I could be arsed to post a proper response...
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Fri 29 Feb 2008, 19:43, closed)

@MrNobody
What is your fucking problem? Pooflake is trying to use a potentially depressing QOTW to entertain in an emotive way. Who wants to spend their B3ta time feeling miserable? Despite what is chosen for the QOTW?

He ticks the box of the QOTW but adds something else. Did you actually read his post?

(and by the way, I've read your post, and if you just stop being so self-absorbed for a minute you could save yourself loads in rehab and therapy)
(Mr Twisty Cheeky The worst kept secret in B3ta..., Fri 29 Feb 2008, 20:42, closed)

fucking hilarious

and congrats on your first flame
( flirting with badgers What? It sounded good at the time., Sat 1 Mar 2008, 4:25, closed)