Mouth to mouth
Some years ago I shared a flat in north London with a friend. In the ground floor flat of the building there lived an old woman. She was quite big and scary and had hairs growing above her top lip, as many old women do.

So one day, friend and I heard a knock on the door to our flat. Answering we discovered it was a young friend of the old woman in a distressed state. She said her friend had collapsed and took us downstairs.

The old woman was lying face down on the sofa with her head stuck down the side. We moved her to the floor and tried to work out whether she was alive. She wasn't breathing and we couldn't find a pulse. We immediately called the emergency services and tried to perform CPR. I did the chest compressions while my mate reluctantly gave mouth to mouth.

Our efforts were wasted and the ambulance crew confirmed what we already knew.

As things were being sorted out by the professionals, we took the old woman's young friend up to our flat for a cup of tea and a chat about the deceased...

...the old woman obviously hadn't always been old, or as it turned out, hadn't always been a woman. She had been a male officer in the Army, and had decided to have a sex change late in life.

My friend, having performed the mouth duties, was more disturbed by this than I was - and maintains that next time (next time?), I'll have to do it.

As a final note, beware of rose thorns - she had pricked her (his?) finger the week before and it had gone septic, ultimately causing heart failure. A sad end to what was a remarkable life.
(hawkblaster, Thu 28 Feb 2008, 18:10, Reply)