Capital Punishment?
O.K - Last 'train driver sees *another* dead body' story...

Was working the night shift in the depot, making sure all those nice trains are in the right places and the cleaners can get to all the McWrappers, half empty Stella cans and needles people seem to leave on the train, when the phone goes just before midnight. Rather annoyed (because if the phone goes at that time on a Saturday night it usually means the pizza delivery boy can't find the depot) I answer only to find the signaller on the other end.

"There's been a fatality at ****. There's a block on (no trains allowed) and the current is isolated (no electricity either). Can you get anyone down there to assist?"

Weighing up the prospect of no takeaway this night shift - I call up my two colleagues who are sleeping in various places around the depot (athough not sleeping *together*, just incase anyone asks) and get them to meet me for the walk down to the station.

As we wander down, we can see the blue flashing lights on the bridge and can hear alot of screaming and shouting. There's a train stopped about a quater of a mile ahead of us as we walk up the track and quite a few members of the emergency services milling about.

And that's when I saw it - a guys head. On it's own. complete down to the lower jaw - then a bit of blood then nothing - just lying on the track at the end of the platform.

It was at this point all three of us agreed that maybe the delayed pizza was a *good* thing.

Short story was that, in an alley outside one of the many quality nightclubs in the area, the now deceased had tried to attack a young lady who was slightly the worse for drink. On screaming, a few of the local hardmen had rounded the corner, saw what was going on and threatened pain to the would-be rapist - who promptly legged it, hopped over a wall, ran across a platform and jumped down onto the track in a bid to escape. Only to be hit by a rather large, fast and heavy express train.

Me being the 'innocent until proven guilty' kind of guy felt sort of sorry for the dead bloke until it was later revealled (via DNA testing) that said gentleman was wanted in connected with a number of sexual assults in the area.

Death by the 23:11 express service anyone?
( HSDriver was probably still at work on, Mon 3 Mar 2008, 22:47, 4 replies)

way to go train
save the taxpayers some money having to house a sex offender in prison.
( flirting with badgers What? It sounded good at the time., Tue 4 Mar 2008, 0:40, closed)

Corporal punishment
Maybe this is the way forward for it, have express trains with front mounted disembowellers etc. I shall immediately inform the authorities of my super idea.
( Duke Of Belmsford has got 99 records, but Jay-Z ain't one, Tue 4 Mar 2008, 6:31, closed)

Karma
.... Bet you slept better after the DNA confirmation though =)
( Humpty Dumpty was Pushed Is unaware of having any limits., Tue 4 Mar 2008, 6:42, closed)

This story
would've been pretty sweet for the karma one last week too!
(Jugular, Tue 4 Mar 2008, 15:52, closed)