Now I've nabbed this spot
I might as well tell you a story. The tales of my eccentricity are well known on the /talk board, but some of the things I have seen... the C-Beams at the Tannhauser Gate, attack ships... sorry, got carried away there. Right, to the story. Ladies and gentlemen, and those who have yet to decide, I hope you are sitting comfortably, for here I shall introduce Billy.

Billy is one of the drinkers in my local, and it's fair to say he's a few pints short of a round. In fact he's a stark raving loony, but a clever bastard with it as well.

One of Billy's favourite things is to wander around the pub with his arms outstretched, feeling his way ahead. Billy is severely partially sighted you see, but can perceive shapes in the light. He uses his Blinky-Bill sight as an excuse to go and grope the lady-folk in our pub, which to be fair has made him about as popular as a suicide bomber in a Tube station.

But like I say, Billy can only perceive shapes, and only to a certain degree. One Hallowe'en one of the longer-haired gentlemen in the pub came in dressed as a lady, and a fairly convincing one at that. Even I admired them from the back, due to a really good figure. But then again, I swiftly realised my mistake, but decided to keep quiet as Billy rocked up, groping his way ahead.

And then, Billy fixed on his target, like some myopic titty seeking missile. The hands went round the chest, and then a stentorian, Brian Blessed-esque voice boomed out "Billy! What the FUCK do you think you're doing?!". Billy stammered his apologies, and left as swiftly as he was able, falling over a couple of bar stools on the way out.

We didn't see him for a couple of months after that.
( jim_bob can herd cats., Thu 30 Oct 2008, 19:30, Reply)