My brother in law
Nice enough guy. We generally get on very well - almost like brothers - but sometimes he can just do something totally odd.

One early Sunday morning our whole house was dead to the world. Me, wife, 2 kids all happily snoozing away. Even the dog was snoring her head off in her bed at the foot of the stairs.

It was 7:55am when the phone rang. On a Sunday morning FFS. Having received one or two calls at a similar time in the past, my first reaction was that there must have been a death or sudden illness in the family - after all, what sane and sensible person would call before 8am on a Sunday?

Being easier to rouse than her ladyship, I bounded across her to grab the phone from her side of the bed.

Me: "Hello?" (slightly panicked voice)
Him: "Hello."
-- Slight pause while cogs turn --
Me: "xxx? Is that you?"
Him: "Yes. How are you?"
Me: "Er..fine. What is it?!"
Him: "Um..well...I was wondering if Mrs Fister can remember how dad used to make porridge for us. Did he use salt or sugar?"
Me: "What the f...? Do you know what frigging time it is?"
Him: "I didn't wake you did I?"
Me: "No, of course not, I was just out in the garden weeding my flucking geraniums WELL OF COURSE YOU WOKE ME UP YOU TWAT IT'S 8 O'CLOCK ON A FRIGGIN SUNDAY MORNING!"
Him: "Oh. Sorry. Thought you'd be up early for Junior Fisters footie match?"
Me: "a) It's cancelled, and b) even if it wasn't we still wouldn't be up for another frigging hour!"

Jesus he can be odd. To be fair, he now holds his hands up to this one when he's reminded of it - which is often.

We bought him a book of porridge recipes that Christmas.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Fri 31 Oct 2008, 9:42, Reply)