Beans beans, the musical fruit
My former music teacher was a psychotic, God-fearing nutter. All those characteristics could be summed up in the fact that she denounced all music produced by anyone other than Cliff Richard as 'evil' and banned any reference to an artist who may have used the word 'sex' or 'baby' in any of their songs. Even the Beatles were on her blacklist.

One day in a naive attempt to promote creativity and overlook the pointlessness of forcing poxy mandatory artistic bollocks out of a bunch of 12 year olds twice a week we were entrusted to write a song about, of all things under God's green Earth, baked beans.

After half an hour of typing 5318008 into our calculator, we eventually threw together the immortal lines:

Beans, beans, they're crap in a tart
The more you eat, the more you fart

Hell, or at the very minimum the dodgy bits of Glasgow, erupted from her mouth as the entire class was scolded and we were threatened with all manner of punishments for our blasphemous lyrics.

"The good lord does not approve of such foul, degenerate language! You should ask for his repetance right this very second and hope for forgiveness for your corrupted tongues, and consider yourselves blessed if he does."

With a sigh of relief I muttered (without thinking of course)

"Jesus Christ, it's a good thing we changed it from shit to fart then!"

The head of year nearly broke a rib laughing when the eccentric 90 year old demanded I be expelled instantly for 'gross perversion'.
(FoxyBadger (try saying it backwards), Fri 31 Oct 2008, 12:43, Reply)