Eccentrics
We all know someone who's a little bit strange - Mum's UFO abduction secret, or the mad Uncle who isn't allowed within 400 yards of Noel Edmonds.
Tell us about your family eccentrics, or just those you've met but don't think you're related to.
(Suggested by sugar_tits)
( , Thu 30 Oct 2008, 19:08)
We all know someone who's a little bit strange - Mum's UFO abduction secret, or the mad Uncle who isn't allowed within 400 yards of Noel Edmonds.
Tell us about your family eccentrics, or just those you've met but don't think you're related to.
(Suggested by sugar_tits)
( , Thu 30 Oct 2008, 19:08)
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Working at the courts,
I saw a lot of weirdos, most of whom were there on account of their criminal behaviour rather than their eccentricities.
Railway fare-dodgers were often unusual people. One turned up dressed like Buffalo Bill and attempted to defend himself by reading out letters he had written to his MP, the Prime Minister, the Minister for Transport, the Archbishop of Canterbury and Her Majesty the Queen.
Everyone in court - clerk, beaks, usher, loitering solicitors - was shaking with stifled laughter. We had to adjourn so we could get it out of our systems.
Other defendants appeared with their personal art collections on display. I mean tats, of course. Huge tattoos on neck and even faces made identification by CCTV and eyewitnesses waterproof and punishment consequently inevitable.
One 'collector' had his full name and date of birth tattoed at the nape of his neck. Every single court employee present that day said 'No! No way!' and took a turn in peeping down the back of his shell jacket.
One eccentric whose personal oddness was certainly the cause of prosecution was an elderly horse-farmer. On trial for neglecting her animals, she brought into court various items of evidence, including a full bale of sweet-smelling hay.*
The second time she was charged, after defying a lifetime ban on keeping horses, she brought in a couple of huge bags of rosettes allegedly won by a horse that she'd starved half to death and then left to die of untreated cancer.
She's up for sentence next month and has been advised to bring her toothbrush.
*Having been accused of underfeeding and not 'mucking out' horses, she produced the hay and asked the prosecution's vet, 'Is that like the the hay you saw in my barn?' to which he replied, 'No, yours were all covered in shit.'
( , Fri 31 Oct 2008, 14:58, Reply)
I saw a lot of weirdos, most of whom were there on account of their criminal behaviour rather than their eccentricities.
Railway fare-dodgers were often unusual people. One turned up dressed like Buffalo Bill and attempted to defend himself by reading out letters he had written to his MP, the Prime Minister, the Minister for Transport, the Archbishop of Canterbury and Her Majesty the Queen.
Everyone in court - clerk, beaks, usher, loitering solicitors - was shaking with stifled laughter. We had to adjourn so we could get it out of our systems.
Other defendants appeared with their personal art collections on display. I mean tats, of course. Huge tattoos on neck and even faces made identification by CCTV and eyewitnesses waterproof and punishment consequently inevitable.
One 'collector' had his full name and date of birth tattoed at the nape of his neck. Every single court employee present that day said 'No! No way!' and took a turn in peeping down the back of his shell jacket.
One eccentric whose personal oddness was certainly the cause of prosecution was an elderly horse-farmer. On trial for neglecting her animals, she brought into court various items of evidence, including a full bale of sweet-smelling hay.*
The second time she was charged, after defying a lifetime ban on keeping horses, she brought in a couple of huge bags of rosettes allegedly won by a horse that she'd starved half to death and then left to die of untreated cancer.
She's up for sentence next month and has been advised to bring her toothbrush.
*Having been accused of underfeeding and not 'mucking out' horses, she produced the hay and asked the prosecution's vet, 'Is that like the the hay you saw in my barn?' to which he replied, 'No, yours were all covered in shit.'
( , Fri 31 Oct 2008, 14:58, Reply)
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