BOO! – (or ‘Simple, but effective, the art of making someone jump out of their skin whilst simultaneously shitting their pants’).
This is the story of two friends of mine, brothers called Craig & Trevor. When they were young they were close, but choc-full-to-the-brim of the healthy, mentalist competitive edge and sense of one-upmanship that pushes sibling rivalry into the farthest stratosphere of knob-rottery.

Like so many stories of this type (which you will no doubt be subjected to this week), this ongoing series of pranks started off small and harmless, before snowballing into the depths of the ridiculous and ever intensifying dangerous proportions.

Now, nobody really 'likes it' when something or somebody makes them ‘jump’. From the controlled conditions of the cinema whilst watching a horror flick, which serves for your ladyfriend an opportunity to give your arm a squeeze and make you appear all manly-like, to the real-life sudden-shock scenarios where you feel like your heart will burst from your chest.

Either way, the fear and uncertainty of the unknown when coupled with it’s effect on our survival instincts creates the most unpleasant gut-wrenching reaction.

Then again, when it happens to somebody else, that’s different. Watching somebody shit their pants with fright when you know that all is actually perfectly safe…well, that’s just as funny as fuck.

So…back to Craig & Trevor.

Who knows who started it, for all we know it could’ve been accidental, but one of them at one point, had a genuine fright and ‘jumped’ in full view of the other.

In the way that pretty much everybody does, his shoulders shot up over his ears, his eyes opened wide and he shuddered whilst shouting “WAHUHUUHURGH!”

His brother, instead of offering support and understanding, felt that this merely highlighted what a girly wimpo wuss-bandit his brother was; therefore he decided that the only decent thing to do was to submit said brother to be subject of much mirth and general pisstaking.

Unfortunately, brother one wasn’t having any of that…he understandably believed that anybody, despite how ‘hard as nails’ they were, would ‘jump’ under those circumstances and indeed, he knew he was ‘all man’.

Therefore, the thoughts of revenge began to fester and the cycle of retaliation started.

It begins.

To start with, one of them would hide behind a door…as the other walked in, they would jump out and shout:

“RAAAAARGH!”

The other brother would quite justifiably jump 3 feet into the air and squawk:

“WAHUHUUHURGH!” before following with a statement such as “You utter bastard, you nearly gave me a fucking heart-attack!”

Then much laughter would ensue.

Now , there’s no real problem with this, and it continued happily for a while, but unfortunately they adjusted, evolved if you will, and before long neither of them would open any sort of door without creeping round and checking with a look of total paranoid expectation.

So things had to change.

They would procure themselves at ever more difficult positions using increasingly complex tools, techniques and alibis to accomplish the goal of:

Brother 1:“RAAAAARGH!”
Brother 2: “WAHUHUUHURGH!”

It started to get worse…and out of control.

Trevor had noticed that Craig had accumulated a pile of clothes next to his bed (his washing ‘to do’ pile). After informing his parents of what he was going to do (and getting their blessing – how great is that?) he hid under the pile of clothes one evening while his brother was out.

He waited…..and waited.

When Craig got home, his mum & dad informed him that Trevor had already gone to bed. Blissfully dismissive of the huge pile of clothes and wotnot by his bed, and completely unaware that Trevor was lurking underneath, Craig slumped into his own bed and prepared for a good night’s sleep…

Trevor meanwhile waited silently beside…not even daring to breathe…waiting for the moment to strike.

Craig let out a big sigh, rolled over towards the pile of clothes, sighed again…and

“RAAAAARGH!” Trevor dived out of the pile of clothes and grabbed Craig.

“FAAAAAAAARRRRGHHH!!!!” Screamed Craig, leaping into the air like someone had inserted a red hot cattleprod up his arse. Not fully conscious and without even looking back to acknowledge who had done this, he catapulted himself out of his bedroom and yelped down the stairs whereupon he was greeted by two parents bursting kidneys with laughter.

As he slowly stopped shaking and began to regain some composure, the slow realisation of what had happened slapped him in the face like a wet haddock.

“What’s going on? Whaaa?........YOU BASTARD TREVOR!!!”

Now you might think that still to this point, this was not a particularly ‘evil’ run of prankery and you’d be right….there’s dedication, maybe a touch of obsession, but no ‘Evil’ as such.

Here’s where it falls off the total deep end.

Craig waited…and plotted. We all know revenge is a dish best served cold and Craig was prepared to bide his time. As the months passed by, Craig finally hit upon the ultimate ‘Boo’ prank…

He would get him in the car. Whilst he was driving. Oh yes.

Craig went out for the day, knowing that Trevor was going to be at home until late in the evening when he would be going out and taking the car.

To avoid any possibility of missing the opportunity due to Trevor leaving early, Craig sneaked into the back of the car with about an hour to spare. He covered himself with a few coats and assorted rubbish then lay in the dark, motionless in the rear footwells. he waited…

As cramp started to set in…he waited…and didn’t move…this was his chance and he wasn't about to blow it by moving.

As time ticked on…he waited.

Suddenly, he heard the door ‘click’ and squinting from the corner of his hideaway he managed to see Trevor merrily climb into the drivers seat, start the car and slowly drove away.

After a few yards (and with a complete disregard for his own safety given the possible reactions of what was going to happen), Craig gently and silently creeps up from the footwell, then quick as a flash swung his left arm around Trevor’s neck and grabbed him.

“RAAAAARGH!”

“WAAAARRRGHHHFUCKINGFUCKINGHELLAAAAARRRGHH-HELP-ME-ARRRGH!!!!!!” Wailed Trevor, with his head belting the car ceiling as he tries to evacuate both his bowels and his own skin at the same time.

But it doesn’t end there. Before Craig even has time to start laughing, Trevor in his blind panic has opened the door and jumped from the moving car, rolling into the road before bounding up and sprinting away…leaving Craig abandoned in the back seat, cruising towards the nearest garden wall.

The car had just mounted the kerb by the time Craig had clambered in the front and stopped it, by which time Trevor was nowhere to be seen.

Suffice to say, the ‘Boo’ pranks stopped from that day on.
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Thu 13 Dec 2007, 17:32, Reply)