NAUGHTY SCHOOL GIRL

There was a running "prank" feud with a Labour councillor "pal" of mine. It got nasty at one point he sent away for a pair of dirty (and I mean soiled) knickers to be sent to my home under my name and another time I arranged for 100 locusts to be sent to his house (which not believing the "live insects" sticker on the outside of the package designed to be sent to lizard feeders, he opened on the living room carpet for his mother to go crazy about. And yes he was a Labour councillor AND still lived with his mother.)

Anyhow one day in the Council offices I noticed what they did with all official's mail was to leave them on a table in the Councillors' lounge for the recipient to collect. I also knew that at that time the Post Office when they could not deliver maladdressed letters simply opened them up and put the letter in a transparent bag so that the sender's address could be read and the bag and letter returned from whence it came. Usually the letter and contents could easily be read in that state.

So putting those two things together I simply concocted a fake letter from my Councillor using his official address and sent it to a made-up company "Transformations" which was in a made up and clearly wrong address in Bolton. Sent it off and waited for the postal magic to work.

And work it did: the clearly readable letter returned to Councillor M...... was put on the table top for all his friends and foes to read. It was pleasing to note on the day it arrived he was apparently late for work so everyone else could have a good read - especially once word got around what it said.

Here was the letter:

"Dear Transformations,

I saw your advert for "be a girl for a day" in TS magazine.

I would very much like details of your service, the price and exactly what sort of offers you can make.

I am particularly interested in your 'school-girl' fantasy dressing up session where I can play age-games and be scolded by the headmistress.

I look forward to your reply.

Yours sincerely

Councillor M....."

I am amazed it didn't make the News of the World. Apparently even some guys working on the bin lorries came in to have a nose at the letter after their boss told them about it. He's still a councillor now strangely enough but the electorate is much more forgiving in these modern times.

Length? .... about 80 words of nasty revenge and I'm proud of it to this day.
(beaverwastemanagement a real company. I want to work for them!, Thu 13 Dec 2007, 23:09, Reply)