Back in 6th form...
...there was this one tosser who used to hang out with us. Indeed he might well have qualified for the pathological liar QOTW as he was one of those 'anything you've done I've done one better' types. He also thought he was a hardcore gangster as he'd sold a couple of spliffs to his younger brother's mates and drove a Corsa.

Anyway about halfway through our final year my mate Olly turned 18 and celebrated with a massive house party. Everyone in our year was invited, the tosser included, and the debauchery was much.

By the early hours it had quietened down a bit and Olly found himself sitting on a sofa with his tongue down the throat of a nubile young lady who was sitting on his lap. Out of the corner of his eye he noticed the tosser stumble towards them and collapse onto the same sofa. Through the drunken haze he was then a bit surprised to see the tosser reach over, put his hand up the young lady's skirt and start fingering her. Not that polite but she didn't seem to mind, quite the opposite in fact, and so Olly thought nothing else of it and ended up retiring upstairs with the young lady shortly after.

The next week Olly, young lady (now gf), me and my then gf were in the pub and they told us the story. I laughed and commented that in another situation the tosser's actions could have been seen as quite dodgy. Since Olly had got fairly pissed off over the week with the tosser telling more and more exaggerated stories about his pulling exploits at the party, he decided to mess around with him a bit by ringing the tosser and telling him the girl was very upset and considering pressing charges. She thought this was a great idea, so Olly did it then and there. After he'd hung up we laughed, decided to let the tosser stew for a few minutes and then ring him up and tell him we were just messing around.

However when Olly rang back his face suddenly went ashen, his tone went very serious and when he hung up he uttered the immortal words, "He's told his Dad!" which considering we'd only spoken to him about 5 minutes before was quite impressive. I should point out that his Dad was a local magistrate...

What can I say, we panicked. Realising we could get in quite a bit of trouble for this we needed an out. After a brief discussion we hit upon a plan. Olly rang back again and suggested that, having spoken to the girl, maybe if the tosser wrote her a letter apologising this show of contrition would be enough get her to drop the charges. We left it at that, it seemed to satisfy both parties.

On monday morning the tosser turned up to college and, more subdued than we'd ever seen him, handed the letter over to the young lady. Needless to say by 10 o'clock we'd made over 300 copies and distributed them around the college. Some even made it to other colleges and schools.

Eventually we were called in and given a bit of a dressing down but it was totally worth it and the tosser never spoke to us again. Eventually he transferred to a college in another town to finish his A-levels.

Do occasionally see him in town when I'm back visiting my parents. Would love to say he learnt his lesson but sadly he's still a cock.

Apologies for length, but his letter was longer than this post.
(Milo Minderbinder, Fri 14 Dec 2007, 10:30, Reply)