Mr Inbetween...
Actually reminded me of this one, its kinda similar, probably more boring and if you dont like it, well, just skip past it.

Names are changed to protect me, cos I still know the cnut.

Gary was a local in the pub I worked at. And he's a cnut. A cnut of the highest order. Outwardly racist (for some reason only towards Blacks, never anyone else?), He would try and be your best mate if you could do something for him, you know the type, if you can get him discount in a bar he was your best mate, but the min your back is turned he'll bitch behind your back.

Gary and I got along at first (as you do with your regulars) until a particularly nasty break-up between him and his now ex gf (vicki)- incidently I got into a fight with him for pulling his on-off gf while he was in the pub)

Another couple regulars, Jack and er...john, were both a bit of a drunkard, good guys though. And there was a whole hose of other regulars I cant be arsed to make names up for.

Jack and john were pretty good mates, always knocking about together, providing somesort of entertainment. And this story takes place in the week leading upto April Fools Day.

Gary (being the twunt he was) spent about a day trying to think of"The Mother of All April Fool Jokes"

So what was his big plan? An Orsen Well's style 'The Aliens are Invading'? A photoshop mockup of Jeebus in a Liverpool shirt (cos they need a miracle)?.No

His big plan was to convince Jack, John had died.

John (apparently with his blessing + that of his family) would not answer his phone (both mobile and landline) and whenever anyone answered his landline phone they would often garble words through tears to "confirm" John had indeed shuffled off this mortal coil.

Now Vicki and Jack are in HMV when Jack gets a call. Its Gary. Jack answers in his usual 'Alwight mate, 'ow are ya?' as you do. Vicki is milling around the DVD section, probably looking at the latest releases waiting for Jack to get off the phone to continue their shopping.

Vicki see's the expression on Jack's face. Its red, mad, sad, and pretty distraught.Vicki goes over. Tears are beginning to flow down Jack's face. Soon enough the conversation ends with "thanks for letting me know mate". Jack takes Vicki to oneside and tells her what has happened. Pretty cut up the pair of them go to the pub to see other mates who by now have heard. Leading the mourning for this soul is Jack.

Jack can feel his phone vibrating amogst the improptue celebration of John's life and goes outside to answer it. Vicki is keeping an eye of jack to make sure he doesnt run off and do something stupid. Vicki sees Jack shouting into his phone. The volume of Jack's voice is LOUD. Enough for us to hear through two sets of double doors "YOUFUCKINGCUNTHOWCANYOUDOTHATYOUSICKBASTARDIHOPEYOUDIE" and other similar words.

Vicki goes outside and and Jack is crumpled on a bench. Pretty much in the feotal position . Wearing a white t-shirt and Jeans and looking for all the world like a man who has had his bones removed leaving only the ability to cry. Not daring to say a word, Vicki places a loving hand on Jacks' Shoulder.

Whimpering, Jack looks at Vicki. "he's alive...he's alive...He's Alive..." As this dawn on him and Vicki and they go back inside to tell everyone of this hilarious April Fools Joke. In Walks Gary...the biggest shit eating grin on his face. That didnt last long, as we didnt dare try and pull Jack away as he punched him.

As for why John didnt answer his (mobile) phone? I have no idea....

Length...the joke shouldnt have gone one that long. It shouldnt have gone on at all.
(drain_bamaged, Tue 18 Dec 2007, 13:00, Reply)