I am a cunt
My ex-wife had a really good friend from way back who was on the brink of getting married herself.

For the hen party they had decided to have a lingerie pub-crawl. The general theme was the whole tacky Ann Summers thing.

My ex had ordered a load of stuff from said smut peddlers catalogue, the piste de la resistance being a huge wobbly double-ended dildo.

My best mate (who was visiting at the time) and I had often played pranks on each other....usually ending in each other becoming moderately injured. This time though we worked together....

One drunken night we were going through the collection of filth that the missus had ordered whilst she was away at a works doo. The double-ender appeared, as did some of the hottest scotch bonnet peppers know to man that we had procured from Peckham High Street. We sliced and diced them and rubbed the juice from one grossly phallic end of the dildo to the other and carefully repackaged it.

Cut to 3 days later. The day of the wedding went well. The night of the wedding came and went. My wife received a text that went something like this

"You fucking bitch, where did you get that dildo from? I ended up in A and E with the worst burnt fanny AND arsehole. You ruined everything"

I have never been more amused...or aroused to be honest. My ex-wife never heard a thing from her again.


Length? Just bend it in the middle and jam it up your arse.
( Beejay Proper old bastard, Wed 19 Dec 2007, 22:38, 3 replies)

owwwww.
What a way to lose a friend, though I'd love to know what the friend said if anyone asked her why they weren't speaking...
( Maladicta, Wed 19 Dec 2007, 23:28, closed)

?
But surely once you inserted it into one crevice, you're not going to try and shove it in another?
(radio_shak has questions, got answers, on, Wed 19 Dec 2007, 23:35, closed)

Yowch
There was probably just enough of a delay to let her cram it up there good and firmly 'til...


"Chriiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiist!"
(TDub Nunc id vides, nunc ne vides on, Thu 20 Dec 2007, 4:18, closed)