"I am Brian Jacks"
I've always been tall for my age and pathetically weedy too, so I was an obvious target for bullying. Luckily fate had dealt me a better hand when it came to being a devious little bastard...

My mum, being a thrifty type and ever on the lookout for a bargain, had attended a jumble sale. There she happened upon, and purchased, an immaculately-preserved kiddy-sized Judo suit complete with belt. Next birthday I was presented with it, and quickly decided that it made me look the very bee's knees.

The devious part was when I decided to take it to school for our next 'show and tell' session. And convince everybody that I'd been doing Judo lessons for ages and could break bones with a flick of the wrist. To complete the illusion I even did a few fake moves I'd picked up from watching that bloke off Superstars.

For the rest of my (primary) school career I was left alone and even became something of a playground vigilante, defending the younger/smaller kids from the usual bullies and tyrants. Yay me.

The natural order of things was restored however when I moved on to secondary school, and was mercilessly bullied as all feeble nerds should be. Happiest days of your life, eh?
( reallywittyname veraciously conspues lexiphanicism on, Thu 10 Jul 2008, 16:42, Reply)