It's time to play......
*cue music and lights*

Lifestyles of the bitch and ignoramus!

The rules for the game are simple, you play to see how expensive a house you can view without the estate agent realising there is no way in hell you can pay for it and essentially chucking you out.

Obviously this requires a small amount of preparation, turning up to a £750,000 house in a Fiat Panda wearing jeans and a hoodie are not even going to get you through the door. So what do we need….

• Couples are always more convincing so find yourself a partner in crime
• Dress to impress. Suit for him, dress or a light suit for her
• Accessorise, girls your hair and nails must be looking good
• Car. This is the tricky bit. You need a car that suits the house. Something with class like a Jag or Aston or something with a bit more arrogance like an Audi TT or a Lotus etc. You will probably know someone who has a nice car, see if you can borrow it, if not hire them as a chauffeur/partner in crime
• Attitude. Girls, bitch it up finding fault with everything is how the upper class amuse themselves. Guys, asking if the solid oak front door is pine is always a great start. If you require guidance please see either Jordan & Peter Andre or the Beckhams.
• General snobbery. The estate agent will try and ask you questions about what you do, be vague and almost dismissive but always remain polite.
• “Business calls” get a friend to call you or even set your alarm as a ring tone. Telling James that 476 just isn’t good enough and hanging up and exhaling angrily works well.

So if you have a quite weekend planned see how well you can fake being filthy rich. With the help of my partner in crime’s dad’s Aston Vantage (ex fleet - high miles low price!) a rather nice Armani suit he picked up cheap somewhere and, in my opinion, a fantastic snob laugh from myself we once viewed a lovely £1m mansion in the country with room for the horses (oh yes dharling one loves to ride), huge 5 space garage (can’t leave the Ferrari 275 GTS outside) and 10 person cinema room (hmm the Harris’s have room for 15 in theirs dear, could we expand?).

Length? Full size indoor pool so 25m
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 11 Jul 2008, 10:18, Reply)