The Amway Monster
Back in the days when men were men, Labour was old and shoulders were padded, my mum would go to pick my dad up from work every evening and, us being quite small at the time, my two sisters and I would come too. His office building was in the corner of an industrial estate, so in order to get there we'd have to drive past a number of different buildings. Warehouses, DIY places, normal industrialestatetype stuff.

Apart from one. One building that would have all three of us quaking in terror in the back of the car.

Amway. Gateway to Hell.

To merely glance at the building's corrugated shell would alert the denizens to our presence, and they would not be pleased, oh no. How dare these mere mortals, small children at that, gaze upon this terrible portal with their unclean eyes? And so they would dispatch their most fearsome beast to make us pay for our insolence with our lives. The Amway Monster would be released.

Me, being the responsible elder sister that I was and fearful for my sibling's souls, took great effort to impress upon them the awful danger they were in. I would give the word as soon as we rounded the corner, and then we would hide (as well as one can hide in the back of an Astra), scrunching our eyes up tight and covering our faces with our hands. My middle sister and I bravely did our best for the youngest, shielding her gaze as well as we could without compromising our own safety. Then, after half a minute of teeth-shattering terror, we'd turn and pull up outside my dad's office. And there we would be safe until the journey home a few minutes later, when the whole ritual was conducted afresh.

This happened every weekday at 5:30pm for four years. Then we got a second car, and didn't have to pick my dad up in the evenings.

A few years later Amway moved out, and whither they went, I know not. So be wary, all you people, and take heed. Should you pass an Amway building be sure to shield your eyes, lest you incur the wrath of the Amway Monster and lose your life and soul in one mighty crunch of it's hideous teeth.

Nowadays, the former Amway building is a Big Yellow Storage company. I don't know whether the gates of Hell still reside there, but it's a lot harder to be afraid of something that bright and shiny. I still get twitchy going past it though.
(Concrete Cow, Thu 20 Nov 2008, 19:15, 2 replies)

Having been past that particular Big Yellow Storage company
I can assure you that there is still something unsettling about it.

Though that may just be the fact that it's really big and bright fucking yellow.
(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 21 Nov 2008, 9:25, closed)

Amway - Fucking Scamway
If you'd ever attended one of their "business opportunity" seminars, you'd really be scared of them, or be a brainwashed divvy, possibly both. To see a room full of dipshits sitting enthralled whilst some cunt stands onstage and tells them how much money he has and how he likes to spend it is a most unsettling experience. Especially when he tells them that THEY TOO could have that kind of lifestyle - now, off you go and try harder.

No hint about HOW to get to his position, just telling them that if they aren't doing well like him, they aren't hungry enough for success.

Genius - you aren't making any headway because you obviously aren't into it 100%, so how can you expect to succeed? Don't question the ticket price of the seminar, if you were dedicated you would pay it without thinking, it will help you reach your goals. Buy some self-help books and tapes, and DVDs etc etc. Brilliant!

It's not pyramid selling, no no no, that's illegal. This is "network marketing" which is something completely different. Apparently.

Yes I'm bitter, yes they owe me £750! (And no, I didn't fall for any of their bullshit spiel, I hired them some kit for one of their Bullshitathons and they never paid the bill. Cunts)
(Rsoles, Fri 21 Nov 2008, 13:32, closed)