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This is a question Family Feuds

Pooster tells us that a relative was once sent to the shops to buy an onion, while the rest of the family went on a daytrip while he was gone. Meanwhile, whole sections of our extended kin still haven't got over a wedding brawl fifteen years ago – tell us about families at war.

(, Thu 12 Nov 2009, 12:24)
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Yeah........ Family and all that...... Yeah.........
Long and short. My old man was a drunkard. An alcoholic, and violently abusive to boot.
Cue my mom trying to jump out of a Morris Marina one day. Or trying to stop her from downing a shit load of tablets.

Ah, ce la vie.

Until, I had decided I'd had enough of his abusive, violent ways - I mean, why THE FUCK kick a dog because it wouldn't lay on your feet you stinking fuck ass?
13 years old, or thereabouts. About 1990 or so. Into CB radios and the like, and having come home one evening (through the back door, never the front) hearing him giving the dog a kicking for some drunken reason.
Now, bollocks. Had enough. Mom in the kitchen knitting away, watching telly on the portable. Me goes in the living room, and tells him to stop it. Cue him starting the big drunken talk on me - "come on then big man lets go outside". For fucks sake - his own flesh and blood!
So, mom comes in shouts at me to go get washed up and to bed, so I scuttle off quickly to the bathroom. Quickly followed by my mom, then him. He raises his fist, and I grab the CB aerial base that I'd got in my back pocket.
Anyone familiar with mobile aerials is that you will have a thick steel spring like base, with a black rod with the copper wire making part of the aerial, then a little japs eye for the whip to be slotted into. No whip on this one though, just the base bit.
I twatted it round his head a few times, and yep, some claret, he crumples. Moms screaming like a banshee, and I bugger off, quick, like a fucking whippet.
Next thing I know, he's banging on neighbours door with a hammer, "i'm gonna have him, etc etc". Fair play to neighbour though, with comment of you will have to get through me first.
Old bill, as he calls police and wants charges pressed. Fuck off they say, and quietly tell me well done (he's known for being a fucking drunk nobber to them).
Mom goes for full divorce, and the time goes by. Decree Nisi comes and goes, and then one day - ONE FUCKING DAY.. Decree absolute. She has him back, divorce is no happening, and she comes in my room and tells me that it was all my fault and I should be apologetic.

He's dead, I'm glad, and the rest of my family bar one sister who fucked off a long time ago are a bunch of wankers.

I'm the tallest of the lot, got more qualifications than them all put together, and would like to hope that I'm the offspring of a dirty shag from the milkman.

Family? I shit em.
(, Fri 13 Nov 2009, 0:37, 1 reply)
Good on ya
Sounds like a right cunt. Hope he died slow.
(, Fri 13 Nov 2009, 0:59, closed)

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