I never knew my mum,
I was brought up by my aunt and uncle in southern Italy, (my fathers cousins actually so distant aunt and uncle or whatever it may be, but I called them aunt and uncle anyway.) My parents were both English and it is one of the warmer places I've had the pleasure of living in, we got on alright. My uncle had a farm which between the three of us and some seasonal workers we managed quite well.

But I wanted to join the RAF and become a pilot, I was told by the local "weirdo" Ben that my father was an excellent pilot (he knew him before he died) and had fought in the First World War where he was awarded the DFC, but Ben never spoke about it. This was my main motive for wanting to join up, that and the fact that the area we lived in was absolutely lifeless, I mean it was desolate, the farm was so big we had to drive for ages if we wanted to go anywhere.

Now obviously, being in Spain and wanting to join an air force 1000 miles away isn't going to go down well at home, and it didn't. My uncle said after I turned 18 that i could go next year, he needed me too much for the harvest. But that was bull as when I turned 19 it was the same story. So i stayed, trapped on this farm that I was growing restless in.

When World War 2 started about 7 months after my 19th birthday we stayed out of trouble, or tried to until in 1941 a couple of local resistance fighters took refuge near our farm. We sympathised with them, or at least I did and I found out they were looking for Ben to give him a message, turns out he was a resistence member as well. I was curious to find out about it as I knew joining the resistance was one of the few ways I could feasibly get to England and when they asked me if I knew where he lived and could I take them to him, which I did. Ben was all about getting me to come with them straight away, he even gave me my fathers old service revolver which i knew he treasured, but I told him I couldn't, now the Germans were here I was needed more than ever at the farm.

But this was my mistake for the Germans (the Gestapo specifically) eventually found out we were sheltering resistance members and executed my aunt and uncle, I was devastated. But my only choice was to go with Ben to Sicily and from there to England, where i joined the resistance there.

Basically to cut a long story short, we had various scrapes with the Germans in the years to come after being sent to various places, (we had to stay in Norway for a few weeks, being brought up on a farm in Italy wasn't good there) but the Germans ousted us from Norway and from there we left and went to Paris, but this was a mistake, for one of the heads of the Gestapo knew I was coming and cut me off while I tried to help some fellow resistence members out of a nasty scrape (which the Gestapo had also orchestrated). It ended with me and him having a swordfight atop an unfinished viaduct, but when he revealed to me he was my FATHER i thought "fuck off mate you're a bloody Nazi" but I somehow knew it was true, even though he never took off his gas-mask i knew. I jumped into the canal and was later rescued but this event shook me for years to come.

Anyhooo, when the allies finally entered Europe I was assigned to go into Germany itself and try to destroy the Gestapo headquarters, I was captured by my father who took me to Hitler, he wound me up so much that I lost it and attacked my father, eventually even cutting off his hand, while the Fuhrer just watched on. He went on to give me the beating of my live but my now one-handed father intervened and threw him off the top of the Reichstag where he exploded in a massive cloud of blue energy*.

I took my father to a nearby Messerschmit, and with our own forces closing in, we took off and headed back to France, but sadly not before he died. I had held this grudge against him becoming a Nazi for so long that when he finally died, i was overwhelmed with sadness. I gave him a proper sending off, real spiritual stuff, massive pyre, flames nearly as tall as the trees and finally forgave the old man and put him at peace.

You know the rest, the Allies finally win, bringing peace to the Galaxy and everyone got on like a house on fire after all.

* Note: this is how Hitler actually died
(Captain Sensible "I'll be your animal in a yellow plastic bin", Thu 19 Nov 2009, 13:07, 4 replies)

hmmmm
that is all I have to say about this
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 19 Nov 2009, 13:13, closed)

I have something to add:
HMMMMMM.

Also:

There's 2 minutes I'm never getting back.
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 19 Nov 2009, 14:13, closed)

let's club him and eat his bones

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 19 Nov 2009, 14:38, closed)

You said Italy
but then in one paragraph it was Spain.

Wouldn't a better one be that you were French colonists in North Africa? Then you went to a wretched hive of scum and villainy called Casablanca...
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Thu 19 Nov 2009, 13:38, closed)