Not a feud per se...
...but a story that I tend to wheel out every time the subject of family is raised.

My girlfriend is a very competitive woman. Hates to lose, and being a Southerner is not fond of admitting she's wrong. I'm a stubborn, competitive Northerner, so it's just as well we don't argue much. We're not allowed to play Monopoly together any more after I discovered that she conducts herself like a genocidal maniac with an interest in buying streets and putting hotels on them (I think that once you've mortgaged ALL your properties to pay her Mayfair bill and are proper brassic, you should be allowed to concede. She disagrees). However, this is nothing compared to her sister.

Once upon a time I was trapped in a car with my better half and both of her blood siblings, hurtling along the B-roads of Norfolk (the A-roads are nothing to write home about, assuming you can fashion writing materials out of some bark and a bit of cow) at 60mph whilst shoes, boys and other stereotypical female pursuits were discussed. Competitively. Then L, the youngest, suggested a game of pub cricket.

As far as I can tell, the rules involve something to do with the number of legs in the name of a pub representing runs (so if you go past a pub called the Thousand Millipedes - unlikely - then you're Brian fucking Lara). I quickly excused myself as I know what happens when these three play games. SJ, the driver and aforementioned psycho-woman, was up for it, predictably. The game progressed until L, who knew the route and the pubs along it, thought ahead and worked out she was going to win. At which point SJ changed direction and WENT LOOKING FOR PUBS WHICH WOULD ALLOW HER TO WIN A COMPLETELY MEANINGLESS GAME

(deep breath)

did I mention we were on our way to see their Mum... on her 50TH BIRTHDAY... and we were already half an hour late?

We got there, apologised for our tardiness, and explained. Such is the family's competitive nature, our excuse was not only believed but anticipated.

I dare not upset my girlfriend. For fear that they begin the "who can maim him bestest" competition
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 19 Nov 2009, 13:08, Reply)