Attempted rape
The shameful onanism I recently spoke of pales into dry crusty flakes nestling amongst my navel hair in comparison to a truly, truly awful episode. The one where i was sat in a camping chair, next to a 12 year old girl, surrounded by the four of our combined parents, all of whom demanding to know why I had tried to rape her.

Referring to my previous escapade, you'll note that I had the horn big time on one particular holiday, the one where i learned to wank properly but ended up mortified that my whole family heard me do it. So it was with some vigour that I had been persuing Louise, a perfectly slim, devastatingly pretty, pubescent little girl with a fair handful, in my estimation, of pert little boobs.

OK. She wasnt that pretty, she was ordinary. She had no boobs, that was just me and she was a little plump if we're being honest. However, the one thing going for me, is that she talked to me occasionally. This wasn't love this, was the real thing. I was going to marry this one.

We were part of a group of about 10 kids whose holidays often co-incided at the campsite, and had got to know each other quite well in that hazy summer holiday way you do when you're young. She didn't appear to fancy anyone obviously, or at least i was ignoring it if she did. 2 weeks in and I am positive I'm there, I really am. I had a good omen earlier which confirmed that I was absolutely right.

We were all on the beach, sunbathing, Louise lay near me but perpendicular to me, our heads close together, we formed an 'L'. I noticed that when she lay on her back, her hip bones were raised above her stomach, stretching the elastic of her bikini bottoms taut. From my point of view I could just about see some pubes. FUCKIN PUBES! Thats pretty much her entire fanny, or at least thats what I would be telling my mates when I got home. I would dine out on this for many years to come. This was genuinely, honestly, to date, the greatest sexual experience of my life. (20 years later, it slightly saddens me that to see a 12 year olds pubes again will cost a lot and society now frowns upon such activities)

A plan was forming. By the end of the holiday i would get off with her. It would be one of the greatest single achievements of the modern age. By the next day, not only would i get off with her, i would feel her boobs. By the end of the week; anilingus. Definitely.

In my mind, I had escalated. I was unaware of this at the time. I had recently discovered that my knob now worked, you know, made spunk and everything, and my racing teenage hormones were in overdrive. I would have this girl dammit, even if it meant burglary.

(Quick disclaimer, when you're 13 the legality and morality issues are utterly irrelevant, they just dont exist. You're just 13 and your body is out of control).

Being a total chickenshit meant I could now barely look the girl in the eye. She was oblivious to her impending pole vaulting session. It was now the last night of the holiday. Internally, I was screaming to do this. Just ask her just ask just ask just ask on and on and on and on...

The beach group hung out in the evenings in a big field with a small pond in the middle. We would sit in long grass, snaffle mini beers and some people smoked fags - one girl claimed they 'warmed her up' which still makes me laugh now. Over the course of the evening, I had positioned myself carefully next to Louise. I hadnt listened to a word anyone had said for hours, I couldnt hear them for the excruciatingly loud din of my internal monologue, now sounding like a drill sergeant. By some fucken miracle, almost everyone had left for the evening, only my brother and her older sister left.

A few sharply raised eyebrows and a jerking of the head in my brothers direction saw him on his way. Louise's sister left with him (years later i would find out he had been snogging her for 2 weeks already, he was 10, her 14. This pattern would repeat throughout my life and continues to). Louise had 'nt noticed our sudden proximity and the slightly threatening atmosphere now descending.

I made stupid comments about the stars, the colour of the sky, the pond, the crickets anything really just make your fucking move you total and utter cretin. I went for it.

Her position was sitting down, legs outstretched, propping her torso up with her arms, angled behind her. I was lying on my side, on her left, (think David Brent posing for the photos after he did the 'simply the best' training session), twiddling bits of grass with my fingers, and trying to disguise a 3 day hardon.

I reasoned, partially correctly as it turned out, that if i just knocked one of her arms hard enough she would fall backwards, I could then roll on top and kiss her. She would initially struggle, but eventually acquiesece and practically beg me to do everything a man should.

I was successful at the start. Out of the blue, I hit her arm in the middle, it immediately gave, and she fell backwards with a loud thud, the momentary thought that I might have actually really hurt her passed, she'll be fine. I rolled on top and pinned her down, i shut my eyes and I kissed her.

I kissed her ear. Revulsed and totally confused, she had turned her head violently away, she scratched me in the face. She started to cry. the back of her head was slightly cut as it had hit the grassy but dry and slightly stony ground. I couldnt believe my plan had failed so early on stage 2. I was utterly utterly devasted. I stayed there long after she had ran off. I contemplated a wank but found myself strangely unable to get aroused.

After that its all a bit hazy. As you do when youre 13, you have no idea of consequences. Half an hour later, all thoughts of the evening had evaporated, it was over, i didnt get lucky. Maybe another day, another girl. I wandered back to the tent.

As I approached, I saw a group had gathered, my parents, some other generic adults, all huddled round someone sitting. Louise, head bowed in her hands, obviously upset and sobbing. Time slowed down, I was aware of being manhandled by my dad into a chair, next to Louise. This is of course is where we came in to my little story.

Looking back, it's all a blur now, she had been confused as to why the boy she quite liked as a friend had suddenly decided to try to break her arm and kiss her and talked about strange bulges in shorts poking her in the tummy and all sorts and everything was blown out of proportion. I didnt know that sex had barely registered by that point in her life. (this was a while back..) Her parents marched round to mine demanding to know why their son had tried to allegedly rape their daughter blah blah its was all a big mess. I told my side, i tried to kiss her! The parents eventually figured out that it really wasnt all that bad, my father diplomatically calming down her father, it was our last night, lets all make up, say sorry. We all got to bed eventually.

By the time the lights went off, I had a raging hardon again and was dying to find out if i could crack one off on the sly.

But you know about that one already.
( I have run out of coke is a little sweaty, Fri 3 Aug 2007, 15:18, Reply)