Rectum? It nearly killed him!
As previously stated my family only went on vacation to places that had blackjack tables. This meant we always either had holiday in Vegas or Lake Tahoe, which is like Las Vegas with ski slopes. While we skied, Dad gambled.

I skied alone as I was much more proficient in the sport than my Mum and Sis. We had planned to meet up for lunch at noon. My mother had bought us all sandwiches at the 7-11 (the US equivelent of a Tesco Express, I believe) the previous evening. I was the only one who ate the egg salad sandwich of undetermined age.

After lunch I went back up the lift. As I was getting on the highspeed quad lift to the top of the mountain, I felt a slight gas pain in my gut. Half way up the lift I thought, "Man, this sandwich is not sitting well with me at all." When I arrived at the top I was hunched over in pain. I was ghost white, hunched over with sweat pouring off my face. The lift operator asked if I was alright. "No!" I screamed and I was off.

I'm flying down the mountain with my butt cheeks clenched togher while screaming in pain. I really wasn't sure if I was going to make it. The moguls were not helping at all. The lodge was in sight.

I started releasing my skis as soon as I was on flat ground. I was still moving when I took the second ski off so I tumbled a few times then landed on my feet and took off running. I didn't even see which direction my skis skidded off to. I ran as fast as a guy in ski boots possibly can. I'm tearing off layers as I enter the ski lodge. I high tail it into the restrooms and I'm ready to unleash the fury of my meal at the buffet the night before.

I get in there and every single goddamn stall is taken. Just as I was about to kick in the door where some 12 year old is taking a piss, a stall opens up. I push some guy out of the way and latch the door.

The bathroom was completly empty in 30 seconds. The sound of me screaming and my colon discharging combined with the smell must have been horrific.I sharded the sandwich, everything I had consumed for the past few days, and a penny I had swallowed when I was three. 5 minutes later and I'm still sitting on the toilet, trying to catch my breath when I hear the door open. Some guy took a step in and gagged audibly. I found this funny. I chuckled and a fart came out. Then the guy who walked in starts chuckling. I'm going "Heh-pfft-heh-pfft-heh." Which makes this guy bust up laughing, which gets me laughing which triggers round two of the sandwich vengence and the bathroom is cleared once again.

I'm in there for an hour before I was sure it was over. I was still sweating when I came out. My mother was like, "Where were you? Oh my god! You look terrible! What happened?" I says "Take...me...home."

It wans't so much length as it was volume.
(anotherlogan and the whit he shites, Sat 4 Aug 2007, 6:57, Reply)