I once cried on my birthday,
First and only time. No, not because my birthday cake was ruined. No, not because nobody showed up to my party. No, not because some drunken lout threw his kebab at my face.....oh no no no. For these were tears of joy - my mum, for my birthday, had managed to get me a birthday card signed by my most adored football star in the world, Peter Beardsley.

Yes, that's right. Peter Fucking Beardsley. Read it and weep, fools!
(The Oscillating Gibbon is eating curried squid, Fri 17 Apr 2009, 12:19, 8 replies)

Well
I cry tears of joy every year because my mum doesn't get him to sign my card
(NuffMuff fucks shrubbery, Fri 17 Apr 2009, 12:21, closed)

I call shenanigans

(The Oscillating Gibbon is eating curried squid, Fri 17 Apr 2009, 12:45, closed)

Why?
Had he included a photo?

(Sorry, Peter. I too am a massive fan of your work for Liverpool and England, and think you were very game to go along with all the Quasimodo references on Fantasy Football.)
(salvadorevincent, Fri 17 Apr 2009, 13:40, closed)

He was on the front of the card ;-)
One of the greatest players that England ever had
(The Oscillating Gibbon is eating curried squid, Sat 18 Apr 2009, 14:28, closed)

Comic genius too
www.youtube.com/watch?v=fej0t2CBD5s
(salvadorevincent, Sat 18 Apr 2009, 18:16, closed)

All-round entertainer!
He sings beautifully, not at all like the drowning cat I was expecting!
(The Oscillating Gibbon is eating curried squid, Sun 19 Apr 2009, 12:59, closed)

I vaguely remember your admiration for Mr Beardsley, back in the day
But for some reason I also seem to remember your mum fancying Stan Collymore...
(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 17 Apr 2009, 13:54, closed)

Davina McCall once said that the scariest thing she ever did was
a skydive....she must have forgotten she once went out with Stan Collymore.
(The Oscillating Gibbon is eating curried squid, Sun 19 Apr 2009, 13:03, closed)