Pam Anderson
Not many people know this, but I was seeing Pam for a while. She'd often pop over in the evening for late night trysts. She was a caring and attentive lover and nothing like the media portray her.

One night I gave her a booty call and she dutifully appeared. Only this time there seemed to be something wrong. Cunt, the pages were stuck together. Pam? Pam! PAAAAMMMMM!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

I was her number one fan for a while, but this was too much. I couldn't deal with having to look at Pam when half her boob was stuck to the previous page with semen. I gave her fanny a quick rub with my finger and let out an audible whimper as I scrunched Pam up and threw her into the bin. It had been an emotional few weeks, but it was time to move on.

I sat there for a further 5 minutes musing over my loss. Then I took her out the bin and flattened the bit of paper. I thought to myself, well I've ruined her boob. I may as well pay her ultimate tribute and ruin the rest of her. Pam you filthy bitch! Have that and that and that....!!

I looked after Pam until she looked like she'd spent her life trying to break the world bukakke record. Lesser fans would have got rid of her much earlier, but not not me. I was a true fan.
(The Archduke of South London I'm in your Girlfriend eating her organs, Mon 20 Apr 2009, 16:28, Reply)