Woo!
I was lucky enough (ahem) to get free tickets to see Lily Allen headline at a festival called SW1 in Clapham Common a few years ago.

I was with my ex-girlfiend and another mutual girl-friend at the time and as we had smuggled some druqs in to the venue we were all feeling a little excited and most of our inhibitions had been discarded at the entrance so set off wandering around the site half naked and smiling in the summer sun. Great days.

Having bored of Lilly Allen after a minute or so we headed off to listen to Howard Marks talk about drugs and smuggling etc* and while stood at the entrance to the tent (it was crowded inside) I felt someone pinch my bum (!).

Now I assumed that this was my missus so I did a quick 360 spin so I could stand behind her in that cuddly-from-behind-over-the-shoulder-cuddle that allows sweet nothings to be whispered in to my beloved's ear while also allowing me to massage her mammary’s for a while to enjoy the drug induced yet delightful stupor.

It was after a minute or so of this blatant cuppage that again someone pinched my bum (!). It couldnt possibly have been my bird or the girl we were with as she was stood a few feet in front of us so I turned around to confront the perpetrator of this wicked act hoping to either admonish them or leer at them and give a naughty wink depending on their level of attractiveness.

So I spin around to be confronted by a 13 or 14 year old girl and her teenybopper-boyfriend of a similar age.... Humph, I thought. She is way to young to be finding a 25 year old man like me attractive let alone have the confidence to pinch my arse so I let it drop and even though the young lass was smiling coyly at me I assumed that it must have been a passing joker playing tricks or perhaps someone who thought they knew me but scarpered when they realised that I was a total stranger. Nevermind - Life goes on.

It was only a few moments later when I felt a firm open-handed smack to my arse (!) that I spun around incredulously to confront the perpetrators and bellowed "Do you want to just fuck off or what?!" to the 13 year old couple while making a ham-fisted grab at the young ladies boob area in a self-righteous and half-arsed attempt at a purple-nurple which (I felt at the time) would have the desired effect of reinforcing my belief that young people in glass houses should not grab other peoples arses.

Duly reprimanded, the two youngsters stared open-mouthed at me and pointed off to the side of the tent where my good friend Jeremy was standing; laughing and pointing at me.

“He told us not to say anything”

There was nothing left for me to do accept release my vice group on her mini boob, back away slowly and steer my girlfriend away towards the bar to spend the rest of the day eyeing up police men and paranoid about being arrested for molesting a minor in public.
(aroe_m0rre, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 13:37, Reply)