Hung for another crime
Managed to blag some backstage passes for Reading (I think) back in the late 90s. The artists weren't so fantastic, but did include Julian Cope, Garbage, My Life Story, Bennet, and loads of other types you young people have never heard of. Not having a tent I borrowed one off my mate Vic, who incidentally had sorted the free passes from his part time job with Suede. I met up with Vic after work one night along with most of my colleagues to get the tent. We were joined by my missus - not a festival goer - on this occasion, which was a rare thing in itself. Now it didn't take much brainpower to work out why she had come along. Another work chum was going to come along and share the tent, and the missus wanted to check out the competition. Jayne - the work chum - was a good mate, but there was none of that going on, but she does have the most fantastic breasts. Obviously the wife decided I was planning to shag Jayne at the festival, and whilst I would not have said no, it wasn't on the agenda. I was planning on seeing a few bands, taking some class As, and having a good time.
So the next day me and Jayne head off for the festival and get down to some serious drinking backstage. All goes well, we're having the aforementioned laugh, we see some good bands, we take some drugs. To escape the rain we stumble into a tent and discover Bennet, who play a blinding set, then before we know it we're transfixed by Courtney Pine playing the longest sax note ever. It's fantastic, I'm stoned, we need a drink, we go back to the bar.
At the bar Jayne recognises a girl (one of our customers) who we've got friendly with. I hadn't expected to see Alison at the festival, so this was a bonus, as I had been getting very friendly with her recently. (Friendly as in 'breaking marriage vows' friendly.) Not that I needed encouraging, but Jayne is busy setting us up for an evening of naughty behaviour, so I soon found myself hanging out with Alison. Then her brother turns up. Now the brother has decided that I am the spawn of the devil (not innacurately perhaps, I am involveds with his sister and married to someone else after all!) This makes things a bit awkward, especially when Jayne decides to leave the way clear by making herself scarce, taking an unscheduled trip back to London and leaving me with my mistress and her psycho brother. What else can we do but get very drunk...
Eventually its time to retire, and I'm pleased to see that Alison has also blagged space backstage, so it looks like that tent of Vic's is going to stay empty after all. Unfortunately psycho brother isn't having any of it, and is running 'top cover' for his sister, making sure that Alison and I are kept well apart and never see the location of each others tents. I searched for her tent with no luck, she passed out from the alcohol, we never saw each other. (Again as it happens, but that's another story...) Ended up back in my own tent, freezing cold, very fed up, and unable to sleep due to the noise being made in the next tent by Dr Phibes and the House of Wax Equations. (Ironically one of my favourite bands of all time, but not right at that point.)
Next morning, still pissed off, I head into town for many burgers, then head for home a day early in disgust. Alison had already gone home, Jayne had already gone home, it had all gone wrong. Back in London the missus gave me a major earbashing for my imagined shagging of Jayne. I could hardly explain that I hadn't, but had planned to spend the night with Alison. I wanted sympathy, but got an earbashing.
And Julian Cope had a new band and was shite. Festivals are rubbish I thought, and never went to one again.
(Mr Steve is jobless and fancyfree!, Fri 5 Jun 2009, 11:34, 1 reply)

Courtney Pine
FTW
( MatJ LOOK, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 3:09, closed)