Don't fight when drunk
Some years ago I was heading home from a quiz night with a friend and my wife. We didn't notice that a car over the road from us was occupied and were laughing and going over the events of the evening. The passenger of the car took umbrage to our merriment and came up behind us yelling all sorts of abuse. The best course of action seemed to be ignoring the drunken idiot so we continued toward out house 200 metres further on. Being ignored was a red rag to this bull and he punched my friend from behind. Spectacles went flying and while my friend was trying to find them, I decided to distract the idiot. A few words turned his attention to me.

I'm not a fighter, but I am very fit so I bounced and dodged his attacks while being watched by my two companions. Eventually the shouts of "Is someone going to call the police please?" actually registered and my 2 companions legged it to a phone (this was the mid 90's and we didn't have mobiles....if we had they'd have been filming it).

The idiot, fuelled by rage actually managed to get a blow in that sort of connected and grazed my cheek about then and started yelling at me to punch him. I duly fulfilled his wish and he went down hard... only to pop back up complaining that he hadn't been ready!

About that time his father, having been alerted by the driver of the car came along and dragged him away. I stood watching to see where they were going so that I could point the police in the right direction should they bother to show.

The idiot broke loose and came charging down the street at me with his right fist held high. I doubt even the world's worst fighter would have stood and waited for that punch so I stepped aside. He plunged through the hedge and went head first into a tree.

I'm not a fighter, but I am a first aider and this was seriously concerning since he wasn't moving. I went through the hedge and was checking his breathing and pulse rate when the father caught up. He assumed I was getting revenge and punched me on the back of the head. I turned around, and while punching him back a few times told him to call an ambulance.

At that point the police turned up.

Several hours of their time went into untangling everything.

No charges were ever brought against anyone who attacked me. The idiot wasn't just drunk, but also drugged. My single punch had broken his jaw. The trip through the bushes had broken his collar bone and removed an ear ring the hard way. At some point in the process he managed to fracture his calf bone too. The father had a black eye and a bloody mess of a nose.

I was advised that a slightly swollen cheek from a graze was possibly not the best demonstration of being attacked and that the father would press charges against *me* if I did the same against his son.

I did take pleasure in taunting them for a while though.
(Warwick, Thu 14 Mar 2013, 15:47, 5 replies)

I WISH I LIVED IN YOUR DREAM WORLD IT SOUNDS GREAT

(King Zog of Albania lives in Kensington, Thu 14 Mar 2013, 16:53, closed)

And which bit do you have a problem with? A sober guy versus a drunk and drugged up idiot was never going to turn out well for him.
(Warwick, Thu 14 Mar 2013, 22:58, closed)

This didn't happen.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 14 Mar 2013, 16:57, closed)

Well I for one find this entirely credible.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Thu 14 Mar 2013, 18:26, closed)

Don't rile him. He could break your jaw with a single punch.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 15 Mar 2013, 5:48, closed)