Imagine being upset by somebody quoting a famous comedy sketch. On the internet.
Imagine that. I mean properly imagine it. Imagine if that was what your life had amounted to. Being upset about somebody quoting a famous comedy sketch. On the internet.

Jesus.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Mon 18 Mar 2013, 22:58, 2 replies)

You get upset every time I post.
Poor little shut-in.
( Albert Marshmallow is a completely irredeemable cunt, Tue 19 Mar 2013, 14:01, closed)

Soz.
Shouldn't you be busy playing imaginary houses?
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Tue 19 Mar 2013, 17:01, closed)

Imagine if you'd done that before 6AM.
That'd be proper fucking tragic.
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Tue 19 Mar 2013, 18:55, closed)

Nobody's life could be that shit. Surely.
That would be as bad as inventing an infeasible yet uninteresting story about property development.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Tue 19 Mar 2013, 19:01, closed)

And then spending an inordinate amount of time trying to de-bunk said story?
Nobody's life is that shit. Surely.
( Albert Marshmallow is a completely irredeemable cunt, Tue 19 Mar 2013, 20:51, closed)

Are you following me into these other threads to demonstrate how I'm stalking you?
I'm not sure how much time you think it took to demolish your halfwitted bullshit the other week. Perhaps three or four minutes typing in total. Although I can't speak for the other half dozen people who also mocked it. They may have been slower typists.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Tue 19 Mar 2013, 21:11, closed)

This is going to be like the time he got 'revenge' on me..
...for pointing out that he's a creepy stalker type by posting a rather nice picture of me and the wife being happy together isn't it?
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 15:38, closed)

I'm not sure where he's going with this one.
If I'd been caught telling dreary lies on a comedy website I'd prolly keep quiet about it.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 17:10, closed)

3-4 minutes? Wow, that IS impressive. Nobody's life is this shit. Surely.
Except that they're cracking down on IR35 loopholes and cheap mortgages for limited companies - particularly for buy-to-let - simply don't exist.
And if you have an existing salary then your dividends will be taxed at your highest tax rate. Unless you pay everything into the PCL and take a minimal salary in which case you wouldn't be able to afford the mortgage on your home when the 5 year term ends. But ... again ... I don't want to cry Honda Accord.
( Dr. Shambolic Minister for Sport for Papua New Guinea, Thu 28 Feb 2013, 19:04, Ignore, closed)
If you deliberately use it as a retirement investment then it can work fine.
In the same way that you would gradually convert your high-risk share investments into low-risk bonds and cash as you approach your intended retirement age, you can translate your property back into cash by re-mortgaging or selling. In the meantime, if the rental market is buoyant (and it's never not buoyant as far as I can see) then you're getting a better annual return than typical dividends. The property market crashing just as you intend to retire is no different to the stock market crashing just as you intend to retire. The downside is that you get nothing like the tax advantage that you get with official pension funds. And if you're some sort of bellend and take out an interest-only mortgage then you are entirely at the whim of an ever-increasing market in which case you deserve to spend your final days eating catfood.
Dr. Shambolic Minister for Sport for Papua New Guinea, Thu 28 Feb 2013, 18:51, Ignore, closed)
Now I don't want to call Honda Accord or owt ...
but paying £0 a month means that it was an interest-only mortgage. If you were previously paying £1,400 a month in 2008 when the base rate was 2% (so your interest rate would have been 1.5%) that would mean an initial mortgage somewhere north of £1.1 million.
Wait ... no ... I am calling Honda Accord.
Dr. Shambolic Minister for Sport for Papua New Guinea, Thu 28 Feb 2013, 18:03, Ignore, closed)
Oh I wasn't suggesting that it was entirely bullshit.
I'm sure you might well own some property and have a mortgage.
But I'm really not sure why you're so confused about the £1.1 million since I explained it in perfectly simple terms. If £1400 is 1.5% interest monthly then the loan is just above £1.1 million. Which bit of that is confusing you? You seemed to manage perfectly well poking your own imaginary numbers into an online mortgage calculator.
The fact that you don't appear to understand interest rates or how tax works for one-man limited companies does suggest that some of this story might be a wee bit on the Honda Accord side. And the fact that you think an interest only mortgage is a good idea for property investment when we have the lowest rates in living memory suggests that it's quite a bit on the Honda Accord side. It doesn't take many brains to invest in property but ... you know ... just going from what you're saying here ... I wouldn't put money on you having enough.
( Dr. Shambolic Minister for Sport for Papua New Guinea, Thu 28 Feb 2013, 21:09, Ignore, closed)
Hahahaha.
Brilliant.
Soz. But imma have to repost this for everybody.
( Dr. Shambolic Minister for Sport for Papua New Guinea, Thu 28 Feb 2013, 21:42, Ignore, closed)
o. That's the only bit of the tale that actually makes sense.
There were mortgages below base rate so you could end up with zero interest when they dropped. It's the rest which is twaddle. He clearly doesn't understand how income tax works or how you cannot 'invest' in property if you only pay interest and not the capital.
( Dr. Shambolic Minister for Sport for Papua New Guinea, Fri 1 Mar 2013, 7:37, Ignore, closed)
ever written a CV
I was headhunted straight out of university and apart from taking a year out to have kids I've been working ever since. But it's lovely of you to be concerned. LOVELY.
( Dr. Shambolic Minister for Sport for Papua New Guinea, Fri 1 Mar 2013, 11:06, Ignore, closed)
I doubt they'll need much help.
They both appear to be extremely bright.
( Dr. Shambolic Minister for Sport for Papua New Guinea, Fri 1 Mar 2013, 12:04, Ignore, closed)
The whole thing is a figment of his imagination so there's not much point trying to over-analyse it.
( Dr. Shambolic Minister for Sport for Papua New Guinea, Fri 1 Mar 2013, 21:59, Ignore, closed)
Don't be mean.
If he needs to tell internet lies to feel better then who are we to judge?
( Dr. Shambolic Minister for Sport for Papua New Guinea, Fri 1 Mar 2013, 9:07, Ignore, closed)
Paying it off is the only sensible option
which is why this interest-only tale whiffs so strongly of BS.
( Dr. Shambolic Minister for Sport for Papua New Guinea, Fri 1 Mar 2013, 14:11, Ignore, closed)
No part of the story stands up to any scrutiny
I can't believe the mods have let somebody lie on qftw. Sad times indeed.
( Dr. Shambolic Minister for Sport for Papua New Guinea, Fri 1 Mar 2013, 15:12, Ignore, closed)
I particularly like his ability to use a calendar.
The interest rates dropped to 0.5% in March 2009 allowing him to save up some money for a deposit on buy-to-let property that he buys in 2008. It's no wonder he's a property mogul ... fucker's got a time machine.
I'm also fascinated by the fact that yesterday one of his properties was on sale "for a £100,000 profit" but today he has two properties on sale for "£50k profit each". You'd think a financial whizzkid would be able to remember what he wrote barely a day ago. Or perhaps he used his time machine to go back and divide the property into flats.
( Dr. Shambolic Minister for Sport for Papua New Guinea, Fri 1 Mar 2013, 18:27, Ignore, closed)
How dare you suggest that he's making this shit up!
You terrible troll!
( Dr. Shambolic Minister for Sport for Papua New Guinea, Fri 1 Mar 2013, 18:33, Ignore, closed)
Next thing you'll be pointing out with basic arithmetic what an 18% increase making £100k profit means about the initial property value and what that means for a 6.2% interest only mortgage.
You horrible horrible bully. You must be stopped!
( Dr. Shambolic Minister for Sport for Papua New Guinea, Fri 1 Mar 2013, 18:38, Ignore, closed)
Yeah. Soz. I'll prolly stop some time next Thursday.
You're right though. Repeatedly pointing out that you've posted a convoluted and inconsistent (and yet bizarrely tedious) fantasy life on a comedy website probably falls within some broad definition of "stalking".
Guess you're going to just have to get used to it.
edit: would it make you feel better if I cross posted to talk or offtopic or links then more people can point at you? or would that make it worse?
edit edit : no ... wait ... what if I just posted it direct to mumsnet? would that work? that would work, right?
( Dr. Shambolic Minister for Sport for Papua New Guinea, Fri 1 Mar 2013, 22:16, Ignore, closed)I think it probably started to go a bit wrong when she tried to explain percentages to somebody with a PhD in maths.
b3ta.com/questions/allwentwrong/post1880369
Dr. Shambolic Minister for Sport for Papua New GuineaThu 28 Feb, 21:43, I like this!, 27 Replies)
1.5 you dumb cunt
derp derp derp
( Dr. Shambolic Minister for Sport for Papua New Guinea, Thu 28 Feb 2013, 22:05, Ignore, closed)
You asked where I got 1.1 million from so I explained.
You're a bit defensive here.
( Dr. Shambolic Minister for Sport for Papua New Guinea, Fri 1 Mar 2013, 7:24, Ignore, closed)
Right. But I'm simply explaining the figures in my original post which were based on the 2% rate implied before he edited his.
( Dr. Shambolic Minister for Sport for Papua New Guinea, Fri 1 Mar 2013, 7:26, Ignore, closed)
Awww. Thanks.
I've always wanted advice from a creepy internet stalker and semi-literate fantasist.
( Dr. Shambolic Minister for Sport for Papua New Guinea, Fri 1 Mar 2013, 9:04, Ignore, closed)
Learn to read, munchkin.
( Dr. Shambolic Minister for Sport for Papua New Guinea, Fri 1 Mar 2013, 10:23, Ignore, closed)
You honestly can't see how silly you're being, can you?
( Dr. Shambolic Minister for Sport for Papua New Guinea, Fri 1 Mar 2013, 12:38, Ignore, closed)
It's written "PhD"
HTH
( Dr. Shambolic Minister for Sport for Papua New Guinea, Fri 1 Mar 2013, 23:01, Ignore, closed)
I was paid to do mine.
You're doin it rong
( Dr. Shambolic Minister for Sport for Papua New Guinea, Fri 1 Mar 2013, 9:10, Ignore, closed)
re you calling me a hummer?
( Dr. Shambolic Minister for Sport for Papua New Guinea, Fri 1 Mar 2013, 9:25, Ignore, closed)
Soz, mum.
( Dr. Shambolic Minister for Sport for Papua New Guinea, Sat 2 Mar 2013, 20:39, Ignore, closed)
( Albert Marshmallow is a completely irredeemable cunt, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 15:58, closed)