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This is a question How clean is your house?

"Part of my kitchen floor are thick with dust, grease, part of a broken mug, a few mummified oven-chips, a desiccated used teabag and a couple of pieces of cutlery", says Sandettie Light Vessel Automatic. To most people, that's filth. To some of us, that's dinner. Tell us about squalid homes or obsessive cleaners.

(, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 13:00)
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My flat is tidy, but it is most definitely not clean
I’m highly ashamed to say that in the 4 and a half years I’ve lived there, I’ve only mopped the kitchen floor once. There is enough scum down the sides of the cooker and the washing machine and the fridge to feed a small country. They wouldn’t like it, but it would feed them nonetheless. The scum has never been cleaned. There is mouldy stuff on the walls, and I have spiders and silverfish fighting it out to see which can be King of Infestations. To be slightly fair to me, it is only tiny flat, so I don’t really have the opportunity to make so much of an obvious mess; it has all sneakily accumulated over the years. As dirt does, I guess. And it’s my first place. I figured that as I’m living alone in my first place and I’m not going to be here forever, I’m going to live how I like! Yeah! The next place I move to will probably be where I settle down, so I’ll be a domestic goddess then! Yeah! And, also, I just can’t be arsed to clean. It’s only me that sees it, and I don’t care. Although I did get hideously red faced about it all the other day and got all geared up to do a massive top to bottom clean. I was going to move things and clean behind them and the whole flat was going to be all fresh and shiny. Then I remembered I have no cleaning products. None. I’ve got Febreeze, but nothing to clean with. Gross.

Don’t get me wrong, I do clean. Most of the time. I do the basic stuff, like vacuuming, washing, tidying, washing up...er, that’s about it, actually. I make the bed every now and then. And spray the Febreeze if the rats are getting a bit stinky. Pet rats, silly, I’ve not got an infestation of wild rats scurrying about, feasting on spiders and silverfish and kitchen scum. Yet.

Right now, I’m blaming my lack of enthusiasm for cleaning on the spiders. I hate them and they’re everywhere. EVERYWHERE!!! They’re behind the shelves, under the bed, in the coat cupboard, in the kitchen cupboards, behind the curtains, in the little room by the bathroom, in the bathroom (which I don’t mind so much as they eat the silverfish, which also reside in the bathroom) and I’m pretty sure they’re in my wardrobe too. And everywhere they go, they spout web. It’s all over the place. And before you ask, it is definitely many different spiders, not one spider on a massive adventure. Every now and then I’ll get homicidal and hoover them up, but then I get nightmares about them crawling out of the vacuum cleaner to reap revenge. Urgh….I can feel them now…all over me….

Dammit, now I’ve written it all down, I can’t ignore how gross and wrong it all is. There’s no two ways about it. I’ve got to clean. Properly. Like an Adult™. Damn you b3ta, damn you.
(, Fri 26 Mar 2010, 12:08, Reply)

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