Visiting the local metal club during my 2nd year of university.
Now, it's always worth seriously considering your options before deciding to go to the Bierkeller, not least because the standard drink is a strongbow/fosters snakebite with the sweetest blackcurrant juice I have ever come across. And a shot of vodka. Nevertheless, at 19 years old I was at the upper bounds of the acceptable age range and decided to give it a go. This night, more than most, was particularly grim inside: pools of vomit lay unmopped on the floor at regular intervals, many 14 year olds were unconscious from drink, a few appeared to be dancing but upon closer inspection had their hands down each-others' pants.

After a few hours of this the all-pervading foulness had started to become less pressing on my mind, which I put down to the fact that the awful drink and thumbing bass was contributing to a rather wobbly tummy. The time had evidently come to venture to the bogs for the dreaded club-poo.

Declining the opportunity to freshen up for laydeez, I carefully selected my stall. I went for "cracked bowl, no seat" rather than "no seat, unflushed in some time" or "out of order" and pondered the logistics. In my drunken haze I reasoned that the most sanitary option available to me was the squat-and–drop, unfortunately it wasn't to be; I instead performed the squat-and-spray, covering the back wall and cubicle side in semi-liquid effluent. There was simply no way to mop this up in time, within seconds it would be on the floor, so I made the executive decision to raise kecks and high-tail it out of there. Moments later I was out of the toilet, my arse unwiped and my hands unrinsed, making a beeline for the door. I heard a loud shout and realised that my deed had been discovered, perhaps by the bogtroll, or another patron, or my khazi-neighbour; I'll never know which. I haven't returned.
( Ungersven would support SpankyHanky's patreon, Thu 2 Feb 2012, 19:32, 2 replies)

Man the bierkeller sucks ass. Rock and metal night sees stuff like the prodigy played. Head to the hatchet instead, its free and much better.
(tyrellsOwl, Fri 3 Feb 2012, 15:22, closed)

This was some time ago!
I go to the hatchet quite regularly, but I prefer the Gryphon during the week.
( Ungersven would support SpankyHanky's patreon, Fri 3 Feb 2012, 17:06, closed)