The Animal of Twizel
Twizel may well be the grimmest town in New Zealand - built as a workers' dormitory for dam construction projects, and unaccountably not abandoned, its inhabitants tend towards the bored and brutal. A mate of mine spent his formative years there, and befriended a character known simply as the Animal.
It came to pass that my mate was at a typically feral party one evening and found himself being pestered by an annoying and drunk middle-aged woman ("What's your star sign?" That sort of nonsense). Hoping to distract her, he summoned the Animal and quietly asked him to work his rough charms.
This the Animal did - some 5 minutes later, he was seen leading the woman into the host' bedroom. Well and good, thought my friend, giving it no further theought for another 10 minutes, when suddenly was heard a high-pitched shriek.
The guests all piled into the bedroom in a state of high glee, to behold the woman staggering from the bed in her knickers, her body dripping with runny shit and urine. What had happened was that the Animal had been standing astride her trying to will an erection. In his drunken confusion he managed to lose control of his bowels instead. Of the great man himself there was no sign, only an open window.
(mudskipper, Sun 5 Feb 2012, 8:48, 1 reply)

Still chortling as I type;
this shouldn't be funny, but is. Click!
( uncle bastard is twanging a dan moi, Sun 5 Feb 2012, 10:39, closed)