The Eccles Cake
Named after a local reporter.

JE had been out for the main part of the day and early evening drinking
Biddenden's 8% cider.

Like most ciders, this has a bit of a laxative effect. And like other drinks that are that strong, has the ability to impair one's judgement.

JE came to the realisation that he needed to evacuate his bowels and made a bee line for the gents.

Unfortunately, the cider had quickened his bowel movements but not enhanced his ability to register this fact, or help speed his movements. So, by the time he had made it into the gents the bomb bay doors had lodged themselves and he'd coated the inside of his trousers and the floor by his shoes with the contents of a stomach enhanced by a day on the scrumpy.

In his cider-addled state he thought nothing of this and decided that the best course of action was to return to the bar and order another pint. A pint that he was refused as the stench that followed him in from the toilets was enough to stun a bear.
( monkeyboyalpha jumping on the bandwagon since, Mon 6 Feb 2012, 20:22, Reply)