I, sir, am an arse
Her name was Susan. She sat beside me in class in primary school. She was really nice and really pretty. One day I bumped into her and a friend at a swimming pool. "She fancies you," quoth her chum.

Sadly, at that very moment a pathologically shy, socially unfortunate, bumbling moron of an erse from outer space possessed my mouth and, instead of replying "cool, I like you too", I got all shy, called her some names and said I didn't like her.

Doh!

Inevitably I then developed the world's biggest crush on her. For years. And she, rightly, despised me.

Doh! to the power of 2.

Until, years later, a friend set me up with her at a disco. Was looking good BUT then the pathologically shy, socially unfortunate, bumbling moron of an erse from outer space possessed my legs and I simply wandered off. Just walked away from this girl who I'd fancied for years. To this day I am at a loss to explain it apart from the fact I had been drinking and it must have effected my then young and inexperienced frame in a way that .... oh, sod it.

Crush magnificently unrequited.

Doh! to the power of 3.

Mercifully the alien being has since been exorcised. No pathologically shy, socially unfortunate, bumbling moron of an erse from outer space stands a chance against the not insignificant charms of Mrs C.
( calgacus Non sum qualis eram bonae sub regno Cynarae, Thu 20 Oct 2005, 13:22, Reply)