Bitter as a Pickled Lemon
Wonderful girl called Melanie, who after a complete lack of interest from girls in the 15 years previously, suddenly announced she had fallen head over heels in love with me - result, I thought, and something in my teenage brain kicked in and pushed me over the edge of being head-over-heels in love with her, too. Fantastic. wonderful. Mills & Boon stuff. She might have been a bit fat, a Good Charlotte fan and a rampant psuedo-feminist (the Sex and the City type), but I thought the chubby was cute and blamed the rest on a rather harsh upbringing and thought I could help her through it, or whatever my teenage Jesus complex convinced me I could do. It lasted two months. It took two years for the last of the suffering she decided to inflict on me to pass. A twelve-fold return of pain for happiness wasnt the utopian future I envisioned, let me tell you.

I went to stay with her for four days, which quickly turned into a week. On the fifth day some other bloke turned up, clearly for her, though her mother quickly jumped on board to rescue her daughter from this faux-pas (or me from the rejection) by claiming the guy was there to see her, despite him being about 20 and her being a rather ugly 45, and him having rung my girlfriend's phone to announce his arrival. Spent all her time talking to this guy and quite literally stopped talking - at all - to me. This went on for two days, after which I decided I wasn't standing for it anymore and decided to up and leave. Soon after, she found her voice again and told me how much she missed me, etc, to manipulate me into going back. I didn't.

After I told her she really was dumped, she started trying to turn my mates against me, by telling all and sundry that I tried to rape her, had hit her, stolen her stuff, etc - all of course untrue. All *real* mates believed my side of the story, assorted cnuts and most mutual friends ventured off with her (though several of them have since been fucked over in the same manner, with at least two or three being accused of trying to kill her - I'm not sure anyone listens anymore). She was a thick cow, too - Failed all her GCSEs cos she 'didnt like the teachers telling her what to do' and succeeded to get herself sacked for being too useless to work in a shoe-shop. Thanks to her skilled manipulation I spent two years blaming myself for all that went on. Cow.

I got the last laugh though, last I heard she was shagging her way through assorted late-40s blokes (she's now... 18-ish) from the base of her grotty Kentish council flat, and I'm happy in a stable relationship and am heading off to uni next year.

Mel, you are thoroughly pwned. If I ever end up in eastern Kent again, I'll make sure I run into you.. and then back up over your broken, still-twitching corpse.

I don't have a blog, I post all my emo shit here! No linky for you!
( Shegetz Chris Kamara's comedy moustache, Thu 20 Oct 2005, 17:35, Reply)