two early ones
I've got stories from when I was 5, 11 etc. but they're not very entertaining.

When I was an insecure teenager at school who tried to keep quiet and avoid getting a beating but I was a nice kid and I've always had a smile that knocks women for 6. So one morning the friends of this really cute malaysian girl came over to ask if I would go out with her. I said no for three reasons (a) I have nightmare parents and the thought of them finding out I had a girlfriend was more than I could take (b) at the time I had an inherent distrust of girls and thought they were lying and (c) I was fighting with one of my friends as he wouldn't let go of my bag.

In spite of being severly distracted by point (c) I managed to respond to cute girls friend's comment, "She really likes you." with, "Well that's her problem then."

The joke was truly on me a couple of years later when I became obsessed with this woman but by that time I think she liked her men a little nastier. Laugh, I nearly did.

And on to story number two. At uni I met this cracker of a girl who was really nice, had gorgeous long hair and had an hour glass figure. I was slightly less insecure but the technique of being really nice but never actually asking her on a proper date (or whatever it is people do) didn't seem to get me anywhere.

Things were looking up though when we started spending more time together after I introduced her to my best mate Andy. What a wingman, my best mate was really helping me out. Went home for the weekend just before my 18th and when I came back I found out he poached her. Bastards! This story has lots of interesting turns but eventually I'm glad to say that me and best mate patched things up and a few months later she broke up with him.

We consoled ourselves by coming up with the not at all offensive mantra: "Women, they bitches. They all bitches!"

The highlight of the awkwardness between me and this second love came when she visited me to during the summer of 1998. We watched Scotland vs. Brazil in the world cup, got pissed off at being beaten and then got pissed (more than any time before or since). Falling down the stairs at my house my mum was apparently disgusted to see me so drunk and shouted, "Do you think this is funny?" to which I replied, "Yeah, it is."

And when I was seeing my second love off on to a bus home I told her that, "I donnn't lllove you (hic) any more. I ushuued to llove you ... but I don't nowwww." She ran anyway and we never talked of it again.

Ah well, women they bitches. They all bitches.

(oh and my mum threatened to throw me out of the house if I ever got that drunk again)
( djtrialprice, Thu 20 Oct 2005, 17:42, Reply)