My first love has got a lot to answer for…
Regardless of several demented crushes (sorry Laura, wherever you are) and an unnatural fixation on Tanya Roberts in Beastmaster, I didn’t actually fall in love till I met Liz. We didn’t hit it off straight away. She was a fundamentalist Christian, I was an atheist. But we dated anyway because at least the arguments were interesting ones. Eighteen months of the usual soppy stuff she dumped me for one of my mates and took half my social circle with it. Bitch.

It was fun though meeting her years later once all the bitter recriminations were dealt with. I got her drunk and took her home where a session of wild monkey sex helped exorcise the last demons from my system.

I don’t regret it though as the time we were together was great and at least I got out while the going was good. A recent conversation with a friend who used to know her went like this:

Me: I saw Liz recently
Mate: How is she?
Me: Remember how she used to be blonde, thin and sexy?
Mate: Yes
Me: She’s still blonde.

…and slowly turning into her mother……
(Mr Evian, Fri 21 Oct 2005, 17:08, Reply)