Friends + Love = Disaster
My male friend X is still a virgin (not the same X as previous post). That is partly down to me and our other mates.

About a year ago, we head off into town and meet some lasses. Now, I have a bird so wasn't really interested.. However, X had pulled!

A few weeks later and X has decided he's fallen in love with the lass who he's been seeing since the night out. They haven't done anything of a sexual nature yet but it is certainly on the cards.

They have planned on doing 'it' at his student flat and cooks her a wonderful meal. Candles and everything! We help him prepare before she gets there and everything is perfectly set up.

This may get complicated so read slowly:

The bus that the girl needs to get off to go to X's flat is about a 20 minute walk. The nearest shop is a 2 minute walk from the flat.

We have one friend, Y, standing near to the bus stop waiting. He sees the soon to be popped (i don't know if she was a virgin) lass get off the bus, and sends a message to Z, another friend who is helping me and X to prepare for the romantic night.

Then Z says to X "Have you got condoms? You can't do it without condoms.

Unfortunately, X can't find the condoms anywhere! He's sure he left them in the medicine cabinet! He did. We stole them.

So, we convince X to rush out to the shops and buy the love-wellies. No glove, no love, folks!

Meanwhile, me and Z decorate his flat a little more... with hardcore porn and Ann Summers gear such as whips, chains, lube. Some of the porn is just pictures we downloaded from the net... mainly the horses fucking women and gay bondage. For added effect we cover a load of tissues in hair gel and disperse them around his flat.

Better than we could have wished for, X and the girl actually meet each other whilst X is just coming out of the shops. "Just went to check my balance at the ATM.."

Me and Z are waiting outside the door and hastily make an exit. We didn't want to hang around and spoil their big night!

Needless to say his relationship never really took off. Something to do with her thinking he was a perverted dominatrix. Still, it means he can come down the pub with the lads rather than been stuck with a bird!

Apologies for length? He didn't get far!
(wonderbrawl was pronounced dead on, Fri 21 Oct 2005, 19:21, Reply)