Poker
My housemates and I had some friends over for a game of poker. I had cooked dinner that evening, and as it was the end of term, we were very low on ingredients. Two packets of cheese sauce, and some rice. Fine. Cheesy rice! Unfortunately, it turns out to be absolutely minging, although most people manage 2/3 of a plate.

After we ad eaten. other friends arrived, and the game commenced. Of course, we weren't playing for money: it was drinking poker, as in: I raise you two shots of absinthe. Generally results in everyone becoming roundly cunted within an hour or so. Aside from John, the militant Christian, who did not drink.

When it's getting to the stage where we're just about ready to go out (people are starting to fall off their chairs), Chris, another one of my friends raises John 'a pint of urine'. After a bit of bartering, they agree that the looser has to drink as much as the other can piss. Everyone else folds, aside from Chris and John.

Chris: "Okay, what've you got"
John: "Royal flush"
Chris: "Shit... nine high"
John: "Hahahahahah"

John departs to the toilet, and brings back a (completely full) pint of his finest. Chris decides the only way he can make it drinkable is to put some ice, tabasco, and Robinson's fruit juice in it. It does not go down well, and results in a lot of vomit, which is all lovingly videoed, and added to facebook.

Three questions were raised that evening:
Why John the militant Christian thinks swigging urine is okay, but alcohol not?

What kind of mongo raises someone a pint of piss with a nine high?

Why the fuck was Chris willing to drink a pint of piss, but not to have a spoonful of the dinner I had lovingly prepared?

I felt so hurt.
(Merrep, Thu 18 Sep 2008, 17:07, 3 replies)

Links. Now.
Brilliant tale though mate.
(FoxyBadger (try saying it backwards), Thu 18 Sep 2008, 17:14, closed)

I'm a (non-militant) Christian
and I'd still think it's hilarious to make the bet with a magnificent royal flush... but I'd probably stop short of making him drink the piss.

I'm not a teetotaller though. Beer, as it has oft been noted, is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.

PS. in what way was he militant, besides not drinking? Did he carry an AK to smite unbelievers?
(Stu Moo winner of five nobble piece prizes, Thu 18 Sep 2008, 22:17, closed)

The no sex, the no fun, the constant prostletyzing, the church which demands 50% of all its students loans, the 'everyone will burn in hell except me and the fifty members of my church' speech.

Shame really, I suspect he was quite a fun bloke before he was 'saved'. Bits of it occasionally shine through, like making people drink his piss.
(Merrep, Sun 21 Sep 2008, 21:34, closed)