sick tub
Tenuous and disgusting, but it involves food and the sabotage of people's day.

At Uni I lived with an incredibly skanky scratter named Phil. He was a born again Christian, incredibly thick but, most importantly was under the delusion that nothing could kill him, or harm him unless god willed it. He was, in short, a total fruitcake.

Given his beliefs he found it unnecessary to wash, had a "bath in a can" (a once over spray of deodorant) once a month and never, ever, did any washing up.

On the kitchen counter he had a washing up bowl full of water in which he'd leave his dirty pots and pans to "soak" in about six inches of water. The purpose of this procedure was to ensure that last nights dinner was removed from his pots, pans and plates ready for use the next day. On top of this he'd placed a firm lid so that over the course of the year an entire ecosystem had developed in the tub - he 'd never once cleaned it out or changed the water.

9 months in and this tub had started to smell extremely bad. It could be smelt from outside the flat, and visitors had started to retch and gag on entering the kitchen. Something had to be done.

Paul drew the short straw, and it was his task to make the initial foray - open the lid, and assess the contents. When the lid was prised off the smell was so bad he instantly projectile vomited inside the bowl, adding to the 12 inches of brown, green, orange and red gunk inside (examination showed it be comprised of layers similar to the dust rings of Jupiter, but with the consistency of jam). The lid was quickly replaced. Later on, thinking I was made of sterner stuff I had a go and added my own vomit.

Our kitchen window overlooked the main path into our halls of residence, so the obvious solution was to remove the tub (with lid firmly attached) to the corner of the path, place a sign on top with the words "Do not look inside me", and settle down with some smokes at the kitchen window. Over the course of a single afternoon around 15 different people opened the tub, and roughly half were sick inside. Each one got a resounding cheer from the crowd that had by now gathered in our kitchen to watch.

The tub was later removed by environment health officers. It was fucking disgusting.
( rofl harris, Fri 19 Sep 2008, 12:29, 2 replies)

Just one question..
Why in the name of sweet baby jesus christ did you allow it to get to the stage where people retched coming into your kitchen?! How are you not dead from some weird bacterial thing?! Have a click for taking student laziness to the next level! hehe
(The Apeface Cherub is not a cunty-uber-cunt, Fri 19 Sep 2008, 13:18, closed)

er, well
We were all stoners, and it might sound weird, but we'd got used to the whole thing. It was only when we realised that girls seemed uncomfortable in our flat that we decided to take action.
( rofl harris, Fri 19 Sep 2008, 13:36, closed)