Here's to all the Halls of Residents food thieves.
During my stay in the grim Albert-Speer-style halls at Queen Margaret University, many light fingered student types had away with almost all the food purchased perhaps the night before, most notably a handful of margarine (I say handful, there were finger-marks), prompting me to stop buying anything requiring a fridge.

This caused me some reasonable distress, so we decided to take action. One night, a mate and I made bolognese. The mince was cheap and fatty, so we drained off the excess into a bowl. It set pure white.

Feeling particularly vindictive we decided to make a cake. Into our most evil of victoria sponges went a healthy dash of pepper, a handful of parmesan, plenty of sugar, filled the middle with a heady mix of jam and ketchup, and finally iced the whole thing, with utmost care and presentational finesse, with the aforementioned beef fat.

It looked very appealing, and to ensure that we got those thieving bastards, we took a generous slice out, then left the cake in the common room.

To our delight, we discovered our lard cake the next day with at least two more slices missing.

I hope they enjoyed it. The arseholes.
(TheWoldinite too energetic for normal sports, Sat 20 Sep 2008, 12:39, Reply)